I Am Struggling With The Urge Of Wanting To Hurt Myself

I used to cut myself like two years ago. With some counseling, I managed to stop. And I've promised some of my friends I won't do it ever again. But sometimes its just so hard. I feel like I deserve it. And it just feels so good to channel all the pain I feel into that one cut. That once place. And for a little while, everything is ok again. Plus I like how scars/cuts look on my body. That probably makes me a freak but I do. I just love hurting myself. I refuse to break my promise though. It just takes a lot of self control....