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I Dont Even Know What To Do

i just feel like i'm drifting through life. most of the time i fall out of reality and just live in a fictional place i created, a place where i can be my true self and be away from everything and everyone. i feel like sometimes i'm not even real, like i'm just an imaginary friend to others in my life. weird part is, i've come to terms with it. i'm not smart enough and brave enough to do stuff on my own, the world seems really big and i just don't feel like i'd fit in anywhere. lately, i've stopped having dreams (i usually have about 3-4 dreams a week but for a while i've not had any) and music isn't helping much. i've lost the desire to paint. i don't even want to wake up most days..... but i don't really know if it's depression. i rarely feel anything anymore. i still laugh and use expressions around my roommate, but the feeling just isn't there. i'm planning to go into counseling some day, just don't know when yet. i don't even know how to talk to anyone about this either, everyone seems so busy with other stuff or someone else, so i feel like the odd one out. some friends vent out their day to me, or want me to help someone else, or they just stop talking to me and we just don't re-connect again. i think i went at things too fast though, moving to another state was scary but it had to be done so i could get away from my toxic family. i like the peace and quiet here, i even like being left alone, it's pretty much all i've ever known. i'm just wondering if anyone else feels the same way sometimes, if i'm not just rambling, if my words and existence can mean so much more instead of nearly nothing

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

I would gladly listen if you ever need to talk....so much of this resonates with me.....we'll explained about feeling like an imaginary friend

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lovingdead · 31-35, M

Friends are often hard to find....money issues are unfortunate everywhere.... (yet they do sometimes show us who sticks around or who helps out)....family stuff, are there any points you do have to see them? Unavoidably?.....and although I agree with not wanting things in the future to fall apart, it's the cycle of life, a tree grows up from a tiny spec, and each year everything it creates dies while still attached to it, and is torn away by the wind or it grows so cold they fall at its feet, and through the dark winter it knows all of its past memories lay buried under the snow, yet come spring it gathers it's strength and fights again.....I'm not saying after every storm comes a rainbow, but there are times it is worth it.

randomgirl42 · 26-30, F

@lovingdead: i don't have to see my blood family since i moved pretty far away from them, i just get nervous thinking they can email me. my aunt kept emailing with me back and forth a while ago, we mostly argued, now we don't talk. i like what you say about the tree, i just hope i'll be able to keep my strength up and continue forward

lovingdead · 31-35, M

Strength can often be found in strange places.

curiosi · 61-69, F

Life is always changing, the best way to deal is to go with the flow.

ColeQueen · 31-35, F

I can totally relate. I am 29 and still have my imaginary friend with me. I feel like I am an imaginary friend to others too.

This message was deleted by its author.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@virgomoon: I too have mine with me, it's odd (near poetic) how imaginary friends can be more real than real people....adult life was not the fun filled adventure I hoped for....yet delusional optimism says it will change any time now....(waiting for the whole "drop dead fred" thing to happen.

SW-User

I'd love to talk sometime. I used to be SilverRedd on EP so I remember when we were friends on there :)

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