Though I say I've come a long way in the healing process there is still a lot more to go. I was emotional and mentally abused all my childhood. Since moving out, I have stopped suppressing my emotions deep inside and have poured out all the ones I've harbored for years. I've learned to really love and appreciate my friends. I'm not afraid of opening my heart to them anymore. A lot of this I couldn't do without prayer. I'm so thankful that even though my parents never payed attention to any of it, they still introduced me to Christianity, that has saved my life. The past still haunts me. Its become a tradition in my menstrual cycle that I have a day where my hormones are out of wack and I suddenly loose all the happiness I've worked for and I feel exactly like I did living with my parents, a shell of a human being with the singular emotion of sadness. I hate those days,but they remind me of how far I've come. God has given me endless peace and wholeness with in myself. I've learned to truly love myself and the ones around me. no matter if loud sounds still remind me of when my father would beat my mother or kick our dogs. no matter if my grandmother will never understand how her daughter never allowed me to feel emotions because If I was anything but happy, my mom felt like I was blaming her and I was disciplined. no matter If I still can't be honest about my emotions with the ones I love. no matter what. I will love through out my past and pain. into my future. I will love again.