I Am Not Ashamed of Sexuality

I don't care if people disagree with how I feel. As time passes I am starting to loose interest in boys, over the past six months I have had an overwhelming desire to be with girls. I think about it all the time and I often get really emotional about it, I get so wound up about I vomit sometimes. I can't explain the feelings, other than always wanting to be with a girl I don't feel happy or sad. The feelings often make me cry and for some reason I start feeling very confused. My body is starting to change a bit lately and I'm wondering if there is a connection.

I have a friend that I have known since I was nine, we have explored our sexual feeling with each other for a long time now. We love each other and spend most weekends together but we have been going through some tough times recently. She told me she still wants to be with boys and can't commit herself to me, I understand her feelings, but the thought of loosing her frightens me, especially now. At this time I'm not comfortable talking to my step sis or step mum about this.

I was alone Friday night and didn't sleep at all so I started writing this, but stopped because I didn't know if it even makes sense, I wrote this and read it and changed it and read it again and again until I could explain it as best as I can. I'm going crazy and really need some sleep 🥺

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VodkaBec · 31-35, F

Hey Chloe, this time of your life can be so emotionally charged and confusing, bloody hormones all over the place but I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. My heart goes out to you because I'v been there and yes the feelings are physically painful. Sorry things aren't as good as they could be with your very close friend. I admire how understanding you are of her situation, I think you're a very thoughtful young woman and I can't help but feel you are a loyal friend. Although you haven't had a big response to your post, the response from the other two guys is very sound and constructive. The only thing I can add is be sure not to get confused between constructive advice and people telling you how you should feel, not that this has happened here to date. Your thoughts and feelings are coming from your heart and your heart only. I believe you will find your way in due course and sincerely believe you will have a bright and happy future. The reason I say this is because I have read some of your posts and have come to the conclusion that you are strong minded and result driven, this mindset will be of enormous help to you. I wish I was like you at your age, it would have helped me get through some of my shit a whole lot sooner. When you get this behind you, maybe you can give me a few pointers, lol.

Your post has touched me in so many ways, the guys and I are here for you.

Take care sweet girl.

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VodkaBec · 31-35, F

@ChloeYoung Thanks for your vote of confidence Chloe. It did occur to me a while ago, you have the number of a mutual friend. I would advise that you call her, she used to be a LGBT councillor at Uni. If she can't assist you she can point you in the right direction, she'll be now expecting to hear from you.

Cheers

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@VodkaBec Ok I will her today, thank you Becky 🤗

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@VodkaBec hey becky i called her last night, i expected to be on the phone for about 15 or 20 minutes. 2 hours later lol. i spoke and she listened, the times she did speak, i could completely understand where she was coming from. i felt so much better when i got off the phone, we are going to speak every few days. she is wonderful and so understanding. thank you Becky and to the other guys for being so supportive 🤗

warnbrobeachlover1 · M

Sorry to hear your going through these issues, it happens to a lot of young people now day , try not to over Annelise it and take small steps find what makes you happy each day and slowly come to terms with what you want , and don't worry about what other people may think, best wishes in your search

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warnbrobeachlover1 · M

@ChloeYoung if you feel like a chat at anytime be happy to sit and listen

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@warnbrobeachlover1 Thank you very much for that, I may contact you.

warnbrobeachlover1 · M

@ChloeYoung your welcome

billybcgn25 · 70-79, M

I hope all will work out for you, Chloe. These years are full of turmoil--both inner and outside. But you'll see them through. And who knows? Perhaps all will be well. :)

Jim

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@billybcgn25 Thank you, I wish I could control my emotions a bit more.

billybcgn25 · 70-79, M

It ain't always easy, I know. Even as a grumpy old fart of 66. But you can do it. <3

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@billybcgn25 I think so 🙂

MartenSPhotographer · 51-55, M

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ViciDraco · 36-40, M

There is the polyamorous approach, if you think you could tolerate being with her while she also has a boyfriend. It's not for everyone, but could allow her to fulfill both needs. Only you can explore your feelings on that approach.

That being said, you are going through something completely natural. Your confusion and your desires are not things that are broken. Always remember that. We humans are very complex and deep and different even from each other. And that is perfectly fine.

ChloeYoung · 18-21, F

@ViciDraco Thank you, I can't be angry with her coz she's not a lesbian, she is being honest with her feelings. We have never actually said we were girlfriends, but that doesn't change how I feel for her. I don't mention anything to her now coz I don't want to drive her away. I have tried to talk to my friends but thay call me a sex maniac and this isn't true. I'm feel a bit better hearing that I'm not the only one experiencing this, although it feels like it sometimes.

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