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I Enjoy Solitude

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Sometimes I yearn for solitude. It's so far been easy to find because it's just me and my husband, and our friends all seem to know how to be companionably silent. However, I have a sister who, following a big seizure, has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. She will not be able to live on her own, so she will have to live with us. Despite being quite deaf she refuses to get a hearing aid, on top of which she's a demanding, attention-seeking person. She has no hobbies or interests and cannot immerse herself in a book. Being sensitive to hints, backing off, etc, are not her strong points either, which is a shame because we have a particular lifestyle which I have no intention of spelling out to her. Our house is quite a big one, but only the study is truly off limits. When she visits she follows me around. All in all she isn't easy to be with.

Although I intend to give her a safe space, and know I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do it, I truly dread having my world turned up side down.
100+, F
36 replies
Nov 19, 2016
Your life has changed, but the whole world changed for your sis with that diagnosis.

I find it very difficult to deal with noise as well, but in this case her situation is very particular and delicate and probably and sadly, temporary, so try to see it from her point of view.

You are doing a good thing,
Degbeme · 61-69, M
Hey you!! 🤗
Degbeme · 61-69, M
@damselfly: I just read your post. :( You certainly have your hands full. I`m here quite often. It`s the others that aren`t. Great to see you though. :)
damselfly · 100+, F
@Degbeme: Ah, she hasn't moved in yet, and might not until after Christmas. She may be able to have surgery; we don't know yet.

I still am not sure how to navigate my way around this site. When I first joined I knew you were on it, but couldn't find your name. I don't think we're even friends here (although of course I love you just asa much) so will you friend me?
Degbeme · 61-69, M
@damselfly: Done my dear. :)
I'm trying to read some amount of empathy within what you write, but I don't see it; in essence, I don't know if that is how you feel or how you intended to write what you did.

My thoughts are, that in life there are times when it's good to be on ones own and in ones own company. In silence we are not in a stagnant place because silence itself wraps around our inner, deeper thoughts. And yet life surely has to be a mixture of what we can control whilst walking alongside what we cannot control. It's a change ... something which most of us find ourselves having to face.

I sympathise in what you do say, whilst thinking that something has changed within your surrounds which must surely not mean that you are funnelled into a life of 'change'. It's a bit like saying that a loved one is outside your ideals which means there has to be changes, and yet within those changes there must surely be a way for you to adapt to those changes. Taking into consideration there are many people who's lives are changed by circumstances out of their control, then we each need to find ways to adapt and (just maybe) find another niche within such changes but either way, it comes down to considering that we all face changes and challenges in our lives which we have to address
goliathtree · 51-55, M
I would suggest getting a dog (you know you want one) but that might be the dog.
damselfly · 100+, F
That is by no means a bad idea. We've not been able to consider one because we go away on holiday and couldnt take a dog. Well, we could, but we wouldnt be able to bring it back. But maybe all that will change
Sonnet · 36-40, F
Call me selfish if you want but I would find this very hard to deal with. As you know I'm not endowed with a great deal of patience.

I hope it works out all right though.
damselfly · 100+, F
I have a sister I like as well. And a sister in law who is just fine
goliathtree · 51-55, M
my sister in law is a self absorbed twat. How is that for oneupsmanship?
damselfly · 100+, F
Infinitely superior!

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Updated: 3 mths ago
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