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I Want to Get Married

So I want to get married some day... and I have been making a conscious effort to get out and expand my network of friends. I was out with someone yesterday and she brought up wanting to get married and hoped things could work out between us. It triggered the biggest fight or flight response in my mind. I guess I should say I went into it as lunch with a new friend... not as a date, I guess she thought it was more but nonetheless... is it that it was brought up on the first time in a face to face meeting? Is it just the typical guy response? Why did the mere mention of marriage strike such a fear in me... I want to get married someday... I don't get it, maybe I just don't want to be rushed into it. At the time I let it roll off and then she sent me a text later and brought it up again...

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Scared1011

If you were thinking 'lunch' and she was thinking 'marry someday' I'd freak out too. Your flight response was triggered when you were around someone who was on an entirely, and inappropriate, wave length then you that included you in the plan.

It wasn't a fear of marriage. It was a fear of crazy 'whaaaaat?'

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flyingfish7000

35 to 40 seems a little old to have a simple word like marriage send you screaming in trepidation into the night . By that age I would expect a little more maturity and confidence to handle a lunch comment. I can think of many comments to handle the situation without slamming anyone's feelings.

RumBoy75 · 46-50, M

Who said I slammed anyone's feelings or had any kind of negative reaction in front of her. I did not respond with any negativity whatsoever. I have filters... I can keep what is going on in my mind completely separate from what actually comes out of my mouth and separate from any kind of physical reaction.

flyingfish7000

Easy there cowboy. I didn't accuse you of anything. I only said I could tell her she was way off course without hurting her feelings. If you work together and want to have lunch together without having marriage as a continuous threat, she's going to have to be told that marriage is not on your mind for you two.

asert12345678

This sounds like me. I want to get married someday and trying to get out and meet some more people as well. I am also scared as well. I hear a lot of bad things in the media and see things in the family that make me wonder if I truly want to be married. The person I am in contact with at the present time seems to have a better understanding and acceptance of me than others I have met before. I wonder if it would work out between us or not.

MsSagitt

Things do change after you get married, because now you are trying to join two minds together that think differently. It becomes a battle when either party doesn't realize that there is more than one way to do anything. One thing to highly consider is each other's background to determine if you will be on the same page dealing with finances, children, mutual support, intimacy, religion, goals, etc.

flyingfish7000

Wanting to get married someday to someone is one thing. I suppose at your ages she might be more desperate and want to be taken care of. Marriage is at least and minimally a partnership. The bible and christian religions all say a man and a woman are joined as one in marriage. They become "one flesh" That's a tough concept when you can still see two individuals. Nevertheless it's meant to be a very special relationship for the rearing of the next generation.

marvinlzinn1

You are wise to avoid being together for that reason. It is a lot safer to just be acquainted and friends for awhile first, or after marriage you may have a horrible shock about things you never was aware of.

ForeverIsOver

I think it's typical of anyone to be a bit freaked when meeting someone for the first time and they mention marriage. A bit sudden in my opinion!

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