I Have Thought About Suicde
"Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do..."
I disagree. I don't think its brave. I don't think its courageous....I don't even think it's worth it. But it is a way out. If you really stare at the humanity of being, of existence, of what it takes to live in this world. I can see why its chosen. There's a video we had to watch. It was about the golden gate bridge and how someone who jumped off, lived, and decided in mid air, they didn't want to die. It's an amazing statement. But In that one instance, I don't think everyone feels that. That rhetoric spreads, trying to convince others that taking yourself out of the equation of life isn't the answer.
I think its selfish...to ask someone not to take themselves out of existence. No one asks to be born. However, you can ask to die. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to kill myself...anymore. Nor, do I like the idea of people killing themselves and leaving so much undone and inexperienced. But I understand why...
People at each others throats. Mounting debt. Polarizing ideas of race. Goal of a person is to attain "stuff". As soon as you decide to have a child, its gonna cost money. Taken to the hospital. Cost money. Live. Costs money. Why stay? Why try? When you fail, and fail and fail...I can see the decision that weighs on someones shoulders. I can see the appeal of wanting to just hit the reset button and try again. Maybe the odds will be better if you're reborn. Maybe the next life will be better? Maybe....just not existing is...best. You try and try and become a burden on your family, a literal burden...they'll lie and tell you they'll get you help....help costs money...gas...food...power....effort...time....thats a lot to be ok with...
I can see the appeal of taking that last step. Loading that one round. Putting your neck through that noose. Inhaling all that exhaust. Taking all those pills. Its easy to do. But the decision to do it is hard. To end the existence of a person. To think about how you will affect those you love, those that love you. Its a difficult choice to make. Self terminating existence is tough. None of use are born willingly, nor are we born with the idea of wanting to die. We formulate that idea based on ourselves and where we are in the world. How we connect to each other. How we experience life. What goals we have when we find something to chase after. Something to accomplish. To devote your life to anything is truly astonishing...
But, to find nothing in existence that satisfies you...
Some people don't. Some people experience atrocities in life so disgusting, so bitter, so evil....it shows you that life, might mean nothing in the end. When you experience the hardships of someone that doesn't find the worth in existing, walks into a store to buy something essential to all of human existence....Water....What is life? ...something on the planet you cannot survive without...costs money...let that sink in....you have to PAY to exist...HAVE TO....
What if you don't want to pay...what if you're that rebellious?...What if, the status quo...live and let live is no longer relevant to you....
We all take this walk into such a dark place sometimes....
I'm okay with suicide now. I won't kill myself. But I understand why someone would do it...
It's not selfish. It's a hard choice to make. No one can decide who should live and who should die. Thats a self choice...
(this is just what I was thinking about this morning, I'm not suicidal I promise...)
National Suicide Hotline
Call 1-800-273-8255
24 hours a day
I disagree. I don't think its brave. I don't think its courageous....I don't even think it's worth it. But it is a way out. If you really stare at the humanity of being, of existence, of what it takes to live in this world. I can see why its chosen. There's a video we had to watch. It was about the golden gate bridge and how someone who jumped off, lived, and decided in mid air, they didn't want to die. It's an amazing statement. But In that one instance, I don't think everyone feels that. That rhetoric spreads, trying to convince others that taking yourself out of the equation of life isn't the answer.
I think its selfish...to ask someone not to take themselves out of existence. No one asks to be born. However, you can ask to die. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to kill myself...anymore. Nor, do I like the idea of people killing themselves and leaving so much undone and inexperienced. But I understand why...
People at each others throats. Mounting debt. Polarizing ideas of race. Goal of a person is to attain "stuff". As soon as you decide to have a child, its gonna cost money. Taken to the hospital. Cost money. Live. Costs money. Why stay? Why try? When you fail, and fail and fail...I can see the decision that weighs on someones shoulders. I can see the appeal of wanting to just hit the reset button and try again. Maybe the odds will be better if you're reborn. Maybe the next life will be better? Maybe....just not existing is...best. You try and try and become a burden on your family, a literal burden...they'll lie and tell you they'll get you help....help costs money...gas...food...power....effort...time....thats a lot to be ok with...
I can see the appeal of taking that last step. Loading that one round. Putting your neck through that noose. Inhaling all that exhaust. Taking all those pills. Its easy to do. But the decision to do it is hard. To end the existence of a person. To think about how you will affect those you love, those that love you. Its a difficult choice to make. Self terminating existence is tough. None of use are born willingly, nor are we born with the idea of wanting to die. We formulate that idea based on ourselves and where we are in the world. How we connect to each other. How we experience life. What goals we have when we find something to chase after. Something to accomplish. To devote your life to anything is truly astonishing...
But, to find nothing in existence that satisfies you...
Some people don't. Some people experience atrocities in life so disgusting, so bitter, so evil....it shows you that life, might mean nothing in the end. When you experience the hardships of someone that doesn't find the worth in existing, walks into a store to buy something essential to all of human existence....Water....What is life? ...something on the planet you cannot survive without...costs money...let that sink in....you have to PAY to exist...HAVE TO....
What if you don't want to pay...what if you're that rebellious?...What if, the status quo...live and let live is no longer relevant to you....
We all take this walk into such a dark place sometimes....
I'm okay with suicide now. I won't kill myself. But I understand why someone would do it...
It's not selfish. It's a hard choice to make. No one can decide who should live and who should die. Thats a self choice...
(this is just what I was thinking about this morning, I'm not suicidal I promise...)
National Suicide Hotline
Call 1-800-273-8255
24 hours a day
