I Will Take As Many Words As I Want To Write This Story
[b]Missing[/b]
[i]One of the hardest things for me as a person is not being wanted, or needed , anymore. It is heartbreaking, There is a shallow, hollow, forlorn and void feeling that, unless you have lived long enough to live through it, you cannot relate to. A feeling of lonesome it is not. Or one of worthlessness. But it's there, tugging at us and reminding us, daily that the children we once had; one's that used to run into our arms with full abandon screaming out name as they did, are over. It is not the loss of a child per se, but in a way, it is!
They are grown.
They are now on their own, adults, as parents our jobs is done. It is hoped that we can take solace in the fact that we did a great job raising them. And perhaps that should be enough. It isn't. Not by a long shot.
The answers they now seek they can seek elsewhere and with another- or as a group. Our input may be asked for but it is not a given any advice will be taken. No longer are we their world. We are no longer the ones they come to with every issue imaginable. Time may pass and we may reconnect not as a child and parent but as adults- in essence, equals. Or perhaps not. There are no guarantees.
Of all the things I miss I believe I miss that the most. The feeling of being needed and wanted:Nay! -VITAL to another life and well being. The love of a child is a special love indeed.
Those of you with children need to always be mindful at how fast time goes and how fleeting life itself is. How precious are the moments we spend with our children while they still do look to us for guidance and protection. Those days, inevitably, will end.
They will move on and be the person they seek to be. To be certain they will need answers and council, but they can choose who and how to get it from. Is this sounding a bit selfish? Perhaps. But the beauty of childhood DOES have it's limits.
In closing that is not to say our children will not still be active in ours lives. They may be very much so. Or not at all. One can never predict that. But the innocence of youth will be lost, the wonderment of discovery and exploration as well. The ability as parents to surprise , amaze and astonish will be no more. It is something those children will never understand as they leave to make their way in the world.
Until It happens to them. [/i]
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Thank you for this. It helps me understand my mother better, and think about what it would be like if I ever have children. I'll take this into account for sure.
I know it's different, but something you wrote resonated. Saying it's not the loss of a child, but it is. There's a mourning of that time in life.
I've been in chronic daily pain since I was 13. It feels like grief when I look over the wasted years. It also motivates me to do better today. But there is a mourning, for the loss of years. Of the rest of my childhood. I can't imagine it's any easier missing you own kids' childhoods, being actively needed by those precious souls. I wonder if there's a support group for that. There are plenty for chronic pain, and one in particular helped me through my teen pain experience.
Anyway. As difficult as it must be, it's also a part of the cycle. The beautiful thing being your impact will be felt through the generations.
