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I Am A Survivor Of A Dysfunctional Family

I just survived a week’s vacation with my family. I had moments of anxiety weeks before this trip, and basically stress ate through the last five days. Ugh. But I made it.

I think the angels were on my side because, through unexpected changes in circumstances, I managed to avoid alone time with my passive/agressive, abusive mother, which usually leads to me feeling bad about myself, invalidated and invisible.
My brother hardly said twenty words to me the entire time, but at least I got to spend quality time with my nieces, nephew and sister-in-law.

I feel a little bit bad for not making more of an effort to spend time with my mother, especially since she rented a beautiful home, on the beach, for 12 of us to stay. But I had to be true to myself, and as an empath, put up barriers to keep my “vampires” at bay. I couldn’t let them suck me in and be manipulative.

She got some condescending jabs in, but I tried to have a voice and not let her think it was okay. This was a very challenging week for me. I’m a people pleaser. But over the past month, I have learned that it doesn’t matter what they think. I have to protect my heart and soul and spirit.

I have spent enough years trying to please, and measure up, and feel heard and validated. While they may not have changed, I have. I am sure she’ll try to make me feel guilty, when I call her next week, for not orchestrating more mother/daughter bonding moments, but I will deal with it then.

I will never feel like I belong. I will never get the love that I crave to feel from them. I will never have a loving relationship with my father, mother or brother like many others have. I don’t know what that feels like. Sadly, I’ll never understand why. I only know pain, tears, disappointment, and rejection. (Can anyone else relate?)

But I am still standing. I will go on. I do know love from others, thankfully. I still believe in giving and receiving love. I am not jaded. It’s their loss. I will move beyond them.

As I step into 2019, I will continue on my path of self-discovery and honor my authentic self. I will still be a respectful daughter and sister, but I won’t put myself last anymore to earn their approval, nor beg for their love.

I will shower my love on those who appreciate what I have to offer. That feels good. I feel more empowered. I hope it continues. It’s a new day. It’s about to be a new year. Honor yourself, be kind and love generously. 💞
RealtaReoite · 61-69, M
You did great. You are stronger, healthier, more loving and more loved. You dealt with such a difficult situation with grace, strength and positive energy. Just as you have done so many times in so many ways these last few months.

You can deal with the negativity around you without getting sucked into it and without getting dragged down by it. You are giving yourself permission to be your true self in any circumstance -- and, believe me, that 'true self' is BEAUTIFUL. In so many ways. It is a joy to see you letting the world (and yourself) truly get to experience the wonderful woman you are.

You will have an AMAZING 2019.
GlamGirl · F
That is so beautifully stated. Thank you so much for your loving support! It’s quite a process and journey, and it’s never dull.✨[@359015,RealtaReoite]
mrbuddhawannabe · 56-60, M
Dealing with our family-of-origin can be so challenging especially when they are dysfunctional. Your role is frozen in time when you are still 8 no matter how old you get and how much you changed.
This is where we first get a sense of safety and belonging or not.
Good for you for your awareness. It's a long slog but you are making changes, setting boundaries.

By the way, how is the counseling doing?
GlamGirl · F
Yes, so very true about being 8. I think everyone assumes that everyone else has a strong family support system, but not everyone wins the familia lottery. Baby boundary steps are being taken.

Counseling is ongoing, and slow progress is being made. Thanks for asking. [@778878,mrbuddhawannabe]
mrbuddhawannabe · 56-60, M
[@481308,GlamGirl] Progress is good. Glad to hear that. Wishing you a better 2019.
GlamGirl · F
Yes. Thank you. Best wishes to you as well! [@778878,mrbuddhawannabe]
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
Always put yourself first...respectful to them yes...doesnt mean you have to bow down for them.
GlamGirl · F
Thank you. That is certainly my goal, to be fulfilled by being completely authentic. HNY!! [@27773,PTCdresser57]
PTCdresser57 · 61-69, M
HNY to you dear!😘
GlamGirl · F
TYVM! 🥂[@27773,PTCdresser57]
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
Glad you are back to home base
Please take care of yourself. You have more than enough on your plate as it is.
Blessings and a very Happy New Year to you. 2019 should be an excellent adventure for you.
GlamGirl · F
Thank you so much. I am heading home now. I look forward to getting back to a routine and healthier lifestyle. I hope 2019 is full of adventure and new opportunities! Best wishes to you!! [@11768,GJOFJ3]
Mugin16 · 41-45, M
I am sorry to hear that. It must be very hard not to have a good relationship with your parents and sibling(s).

From what I know about you and from you, you are a lovely, loving and wonderful person.
GlamGirl · F
Yes, it is very difficult. My greatest challenge and loss.

Thank you for your kind words. [@393432,Mugin16]
ISeeYou · M
Be who you are because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Let 2019 be the best of years.
GlamGirl · F
Good advice. I will try to remember that. [@605620,ISeeYou]
vetguy1991 · 51-55, M
It's not easy but you did it
GlamGirl · F
Whew! Where’s my free t-shirt or gold medal? Lol[@9520,vetguy1991]
vetguy1991 · 51-55, M
[@481308,GlamGirl] lol I think most people deserve that
GlamGirl · F
Yesss![@9520,vetguy1991]
SW User
Just keep being your true self

ALWAYS
GlamGirl · F
I shall try. ☺️[@447053,bikegenius]
likesnatural · 70-79, M
Sounds like you are very strong now
GlamGirl · F
Getting stronger. It’s a long process. [@867820,likesnatural]

 
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I Am A Survivor Of A Dysfunctional Family
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