I Am Scared of Relationships

I don’t want to be in a relationship. My past relationships, I was hurt constantly. Was constantly put down. Verbal and emotional abuse. Told what to wear and how to style my hair. Worried if I wasn’t good enough. Always trying to please him. Even after he’s brought me down. Constantly talking about my weight, my hair, my clothes, any and everything. Making me feel like I was nothing. All of this trying to control me. When talks of marriage sounded like nothing but some prison to where he could own me. Make me feel like a slave. You would think that I’ve learned the first time. But to my surprise, get hurt again, the exact same way.

I can’t do this again. Not to myself. While my children watch. I can’t do this to them either. I would rather be single for the rest of my life, than to be in some worthless relationship. My kids come first.

And right now, I am very happy. I’m happy to be on my own, single and loving life. Just me and my babies.

Nobody telling me how to look. I can be beautiful and look beautiful by myself. I can love myself by myself. If I ever decide to date again, which I doubt, but if, there’d have to be a sign letting me know this guy is the one. Because I refuse to let anybody into my life, breaking my true happiness. I don’t have time for it.