I Have Random Thoughts

How could I ever be really happy? There are many things that can give momentary joy and some of those things even come consistently. But how could be content with being alive when the world isn't how i want it to be, people aren't how i want them to be, and even I am not who I want to be. I can say to myself over and over that i accept things are the way that they are and that im grateful for what i have but it's not actually true. I could never accept that, because accepting that means giving up on what i want, and what else matters besides that? And it doesn't matter how i can rationally understand that I am fortunate to have the things i have, I can't help but take them for granted. I don't abuse what I have, I'm numb to it. For all i know this could be the happiest my life gets and I still feel empty and unsatisfied with my life. And how could I ever change that when no matter what I have it's never enough. And if i somehow learned to not want anything then I might as well be dead then shouldn't I?