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I Feel Guilty

I feel guilty. I just bought a new car!! It's fully loaded and got an amazing deal!! I feel guilty though bc I have a sister who has made some terrible life choices. Out of the 4 siblings I give her money when she needs it and send her clothes and whathaveyou. She has been living in her car off and on for a few years. I live alone in another state and have a spare room. But I honestly do not want her to come and stay w me. I just feel she would never leave and I'd be taking care of her forever...I have told like 5 people I have a new car... I want to share w my family but the guilt is killing me. But I've worked my ass off to get where I am... but I'm tired of helping her when I know she can do more to help herself. I actually gave here my old car... side story; I had a 2000 gave it to her and bought a 2014 but just something just in case I had to help her/family... and didn't get what I wanted... so 3 years on now I bought a 2017 while the 2014 had value and got what I wanted.
She's never paid me back but says she will but she doesn't have a job...my guilt says I should help her but I'm over it... saddened...

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Paliglass · 41-45, F

It's a difficult one. Guilt is usually underlined by resentment emotionally. If you get in touch with the resentment then the guilt will lift.

Think about how you possibly resent her. Eg you resent her for not being sorted in life. You resent that she lives in this needy state of being. You resent that you feel you ought to help her even when you don't want to. You resent that her self inflicted hardship over shadows your self achieved success. You resent that she hasn't lived up to potential that you see and resent her for not being the sister you wanted or needed.

It's ok to feel resentment. It's ok to let that feeling go. Accept her, accept you don't want to help her all the time and that it's better for you and her to only help her when or if you really feel you want to because resentment leads to guilt and yours and others guilt keeps her in a pretty comfortable position not having to take on more responsibility for herself. She's living off of others guilt so people are enabling her to live how she lives. She must like how she lives really or she'd change it.

So to be kinder to her and you get in touch with the resentment, let go of the guilt and start enjoying your life the way your sister has been enjoying hers.

That's my thoughts.