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I Know That Life Is Hard

So my dad who has congestive heart failure, has just been diagnosed with bowel ischemia. I haven't been to the hospital today to see him, and my family keeps saying how I have to ask and pay more attention, but the truth is i'm just shielding myself from the pain. It's my defense mechanism. With a sick dad, and a brother with leukemia, and while currently in medschool & studying for boards, I just have to shut some of aspects of life down.

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saintsong · 41-45, F

I understand, when my grandma was dying from cancer, I avoided her, because I couldn't bare to see her suffer like that, I kept on saying that my someone in my household had a cold or flu, which for the most part was true, and I didn't want to get her sick while she was having chemo treatment, but I wanted to remember her as she was.....Not as a cancer patient. Even though I really truly loved her.

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saintsong · 41-45, F

@offingg: Oh honey, don't be so hard on yourself, nobody thinks that you are a monster....It's okay to grieve in your own way, even if it means being alone. I'm sure you have gone in to see your dad when he needed you, your world doesn't revolve around his illness you have a lot on your plait, and need to focus on your studies.

offingg · 26-30, F

@saintchantal: Yeah, but he definitely doesn't know that it's my way of grieving. I gotta find a way to pss my boards and get a high mark while being depressed & anxious. I don't want to burden you with my troubles so thank you for all your kind words. God bless.

saintsong · 41-45, F

@offingg: It's okay, you are doing the best you can with what you have.

CaptainCanadia · 41-45, M

Jesus Christ I can't imagine the stress. A close friend's dad recently died of congestive heart failure... and now my dad has developed it and he won't stop drinking. So I sympathize. But while your brother has leukemia AND you're in med school?! How are you sane?

offingg · 26-30, F

@TyphoidJerry: I hope your dad gets better and may your friend's sad rest in peace. And maybe I stay sane by ranting about it online. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Life's tough and there's no way around it

FLami · 31-35, M

I'm sorry to hear this. My heart goes out for you and your family

offingg · 26-30, F

@FahadLami: Thank you

SW-User

[c=#7700B2]Understandable. You will see him soon though right?[/c]

offingg · 26-30, F

Yes, i'll definitely try. @CinnamonWorlds:

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