I Know That Life Is Hard

So my dad who has congestive heart failure, has just been diagnosed with bowel ischemia. I haven't been to the hospital today to see him, and my family keeps saying how I have to ask and pay more attention, but the truth is i'm just shielding myself from the pain. It's my defense mechanism. With a sick dad, and a brother with leukemia, and while currently in medschool & studying for boards, I just have to shut some of aspects of life down.