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I Feel Trapped

I feel trapped in my job, my family, my life, my feelings, my dreams.

I had this very high expectation of life as a teenager. I guess that was just me being naive. I wish I could go back and not bother worry about the exams I'd fail anyway. I wasted so much time.

I don't think I'm capable of being anything great. Growing up my mum often told me she wanted me to be a doctor or a dentist or an optometrist or some kind of profession that pays well and gets you respected by others. But I never knew what I wanted to be.
I loved art and science. Those were my two big things at school. But my teachers told me art would get me no where so I decided on science. Microbiology in particular because I was so passionate.
But I was never academic. I tried so hard, studied to the point where all I could hear in my head was what I'd been revising, I'd dream of it, I'd wake up in the night worrying about deadlines, couldn't eat or sleep so I was tired all the time. And I still failed. Eventually it just sucked away any passion I had for it.
Now I think I'm one of those drifters. I'm stuck in a job that I hate/love. The pay is shit and you don't get respected because you don't have a degree. People automatically assume you have one and you literally see their face drop when you tell them otherwise.
My boss humiliates me. But she'll be paying for that soon.
The hours are stupid and you never know when you'll get to go have lunch.
I come home to a family that just doesn't understand because they have their own things going on so I feel unappreciated, especially when I get accused of being selfish despite handing over two thirds of my wages to help out.

I have these dark thoughts sometimes. That if I just ended it all I wouldn't have to do any of this anymore.
I like the idea of falling alseep and never having to wake up again.

I want to make my way to being a nurse. But you need a degree and I'm not confident in any way about it. I'm so afraid of failing. But I'll grow a pair and try my best.

I just wish someone would tell me I'm doing alright, give me a pat on the back, maybe a cuddle. I'd just like to feel appreciated.


Happy 2017 people. Hope it's a good year for those who deserve it Xx
Hey Savanna :) Listen, you are the one that needs to stand up and make a choice, no one will do it for you...Tell your family how you feel...Your like me, my fave lessons was English, Art and Science...Like you, they told me art wouldn't get me far...But, you need to listen to your intuition, do what you want to do...Make some well deserved 'YOU' time.

Suicide aint no answer...You need to start off with small steps...Make a plan and as you tick them off, reward yourself...Your within the same age as me, and us being young, were not meant to have it all figured out! This time of out lives is where we build it...40 years time is when we have it all! (With any luck, sooner!)...
Paliglass · 41-45, F
You are doing a good job. You are worthwhile and whatever you're doing you are doing it to the best of your ability and no one can ask you to do more than that. Have a great new year, much love and luck, blessings and hugs
Course you have done very well... your still a spring chicken lol.... things will work out for you .. follow your heart. ...put laxatives in the bitch at works coffee...stop beating yourself up...u can only do ... what u can do ... chill
thenightwatchman · 36-40, M
You are between 22 and 25. A lot of people are in shit jobs or feel like drifters in that age group with or without degrees. Finding a career you love and makes you a descent income takes a long time. The best thing you can do is try to change your outlook and make the best of things, then better things start coming your way.
You don't need a degree or to be academic to get somewhere in life. Obviously that depends on your personal goals. And you can go back to university or study again if you need to.
SoFine · 46-50, F
The fear to fail ..... we all have that fear....
Then work on your self-worth, to be of worth to you, is to love all that is you, those aspects you call failing at.
The most important person to you, is you.
Also know that true success in life is to be with all the mundane stuff, why mundane is most of life. We do have those yippee ones, they are between the mundane ...
Work on your self-worth, no one can give it to you, but you.
bittersweethermit · 36-40, F
I know how you feel. Everything you wrote is who I am...I like Science and Art too and I'm not much into academics. I chose Art and it's true, I got nowhere. All of what you wrote is what have been going through in my life currently and I'm stuck with the same environment as yours.
HannahSavannah · 26-30, F
I'm here for you Xx
NoneOfYourBusiness · 31-35, M
The only time you are guaranteed to fail is if you don't try at all, if you try you might fail or you might succeed. It is up to you what you decide to do and you will always have my support (even though I probably won't be able to help much).
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
Dont let other people tell you what is possible or not. Your greatest mistake might have been to believe your teachers when they said art will never get you anywhere. A bunch of lies! Follow your heart, money is good for a steady life, but without food for your soul you will tear yourself to shreds on your bed of money!

 
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