I Have Been Thinking

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I Have Been Thinking

Replying to question just now about "friends with benefits" I feel compelled to say whats on my mind.
So if a person knows exactly what they want without commitment how does things turn out exactly the opposite? My confession is I have come to a point where I am considering having a friend with benefits, its not because I am a woman that does not respect myself or my body enough to share this intimacy with someone that loves me but it's because I can't love again. My mind is on a shut down mode to love or affection, the only love I can spare is that which I have in abundance for my kids and close family. I know without a doubt in my mind that I don't need love nor can I love again.
The only reason I have never acted on the way I feel because I know if feelings eventually develope, its not going to be me. I won't want to hurt anyone. Also how does one approach such a sensitive subject with the other person?

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SW-User

After reading your story, I don't think it would be a good idea, in fact you need exactly the opposite you're telling now.

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WildHeart · 41-45, F

@kingkyrie: Oh no, I am no longer hurting. Life has started to move on swiftly. The only need for a FWB is to subside my physical need.

SW-User

@WiseGirl: Just be careful, please.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

@kingkyrie: I would like to thank you, you are kind and caring

SW-User

If FwB is what you want instead of a traditional relationship .. go for it .. but be honest with the prospective FwB candidate. I would imagine feeling out that person's feelings about such relationships .. or a "brave conversation" where you put the subject in front of them are the two most common approaches. Just don't lead him/her on or let them thinks it's more you want.

Even then .. feelings could develop, so be prepared to face / deal with it.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

Now that's where my problem arises I am not sure I could deal with it if the other became emotional.

SW-User

There's only one way to if it's not what you want .. let them down, but end it. If you cant do it if the need arises, then FWB isn't for you.

SW-User

Can't help you with that... though I must admit I think all phases pass, so no matter how long this goes... it'll pass.

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SW-User

@WiseGirl: you have to think of yourself as naked with this person... so see how comfortable you are. Lol... Just saying.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

@Djce45: Let's not discuss this further, I am not sure you are willing to look outside the box in this situation. It would be nice if we are able to put ourselves in other peoples "shoes" in order to try and understand their choices, however if we are unable do so then we may never fully comprehend with the whole situation.

SW-User

I'm looking outside the box... already... from your point of view as much as I can...

Crusher69 · 61-69, M

I understand- I have been in a similar space and have had a few FWBs over a period when I felt I could not love or cope with that level of intimacy and commitment. Take care and listen to your feelings.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Benny5678 · 41-45, T

I can't separate my feelings from intimacy

WildHeart · 41-45, F

Many people can't. Look I havnt tried this whole thing yet, but I believe it all starts in the mind. So if the mind is head strong how can things go wrong?

SW-User

@WiseGirl: the mind can't always rule over the heart ..

Longlegs2014 · 61-69, M

That is sad you are in such a place. You must have been hurt very badly.

WildHeart · 41-45, F

Being hurt is only a small percentage as to why I can't love again, my current situation plays a part in this as well.

praying for you, could we possibly talk about this??

WildHeart · 41-45, F

I am not sure why, but if you think so then yes we can. But before we do please know that this post was not intended to attract any type of sexual messages. :) thanks for understanding in advance.

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