I Love When Someone Can Make Me Feel Like I Matter

I love him, but I don’t want to be with him. My friend Erin says “I have love for him”. I do. I have love for someone else too. I have love for someone else other than *Mike. My love is for *Lenard. I think about him everyday. I long to be with him all the time and I know that I could be someday. *knockonwood*. But my fear is actually not knowing *Mike anymore. If I’m spending all my free time with *Lenard naturally my time with *Mike will fade along with the connection that I have with him. He will be connecting with others and I’ll be jealous and that jealousy will turn to disdain. I fear having that disdain toward *Mike, someone who’s had my back for many years. I fear having to feel his energy missing.... but maybe Mike will remain cool. I just know that I want to be with *Lenard. He’s so amazing. Our energy connects in such a magical way. I want to have him forever. I want him to open up more to me; be so vulnerable. I recognize the fear when I daydream of being being gone from *Mike’s life not leaving his life.