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I just found out today...the first ex died. 22 years after our divorce.

Going through the process of forgiveness, I decided to enter the various families and ancestors of ALL of the ex's, in my family tree, regardless of how I felt about them at the time, and I was so shocked to discover that one of the bugaboos died.

I remembered far more than I would have thought about his family.

But I feel so strange about it...that I gave all that anger to what he did to me...and he was already gone.

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DrWatson · 70-79, M

I think that exercise in forgiveness is something beautiful. It would be so natural to want to just prune the tree rather than expand it.

And I think being angry at someone who has died is ok, but I understand what a shock this must have been!

4meAndyou · F

@DrWatson I HAD pruned all of those trees. I HAD decided not to enter their ancestors into the database...let them all die away, I thought.

But recently, in the process of forgiving those whom I hated the most, I began entering data for the 3rd ex's mother...and it went far into the past. I wanted to see if I could find the Pope to whom they always claimed they were related.

I went as far as possible...and today I decided to enter the first one. He was adopted at birth, so it wasn't easy. His parents were from Canada, and immigrated here...and none of them had entered the database.