I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

@Fernie I didn't think I would lose her over a guy again. I know they're getting married, but I just figured she could help with this. Now it's like she's annoyed every time she sees me.

@dominoesgirl That is hard to take for sure...regardless, you have to take care of yourself and not have all those expectations. A BPD doesn't mean you have to be needy and dependent

@Fernie I'm not trying to be needy and dependent, but it doesn't help that she's my only friend in this state (literally). I don't get out and socialize much because I'm afraid of rejection (one of the next things my therapist and I will be working on). We have put each other through hell and back, and I just don't want to lose my best friend. I had annidea of what it felt like without her a few years ago because of some stupid stuff I was doing; she didn't want to talk to me until I got my head out of my ass, basically, because I wasn't the person she knew. I can't handle fully losing her.

@dominoesgirl I know you're not "trying" to be needy and dependent but your details describe a person who IS that way. You have social issues so she is your only friend. That I'm afraid is entirely your issue and you cannot burden someone else with that issue. She is preoccupied with a new love...she owes you nothing. If she stays with this new person for a long time and stops being part of your life she was no friend at all to you. As it is for all of us, your life, your happiness, your contentment is entirely your responsibility.
I wonder what you have done to manage your issues...a therapist perhaps? A support group with folks dealing with the same issues? Finding ways to bring more people into your life so you don't depend on just one person? Or have you just accepted your "disorder" and think this is as far as you can go in your life? In case you are about to tell me that I don't understand...I counseled people for years..people with every possible type of syndrome, disorder and mental illness. I watched people start off saying what you say and blossom into happy, independent people who learned to manage their issues. You know that saying about putting all your eggs in one basket...it never ends well

@Fernie I'm in counseling now. We just finished working through my anger issues that were detrimentally affecting my job, and now we're about to start working on the social issues I have. I never said that any of this was her fault or her problem. I know it's not. What other choice do I have but to accept my diagnosis and work with it? I'm doing the best I can, but right now I'm having a hard time.

@dominoesgirl Good for you!!! Yes, it is hard work and I am glad you are doing the work to improve the quality of your life. I know you didn't actually use the words "it's her fault" but you wrote that she is not there for you and all your needs you described and it upsets you and makes you feel abandoned...that's sort of the same thing...like she's done something wrong to you. Anyway, work hard and be as honest as you can be with your therapist and it will definitely get better and better

@Fernie It has taken everything in me not to cut these last few nights, partly due to that. Then, I tell her that there is a guy at work that I MIGHT be getting interested in. He has a son. I told her that last part as well, and she said that she doesn't think my going into a ready-made family like she's doing is such a good idea. Really? I'm 30. The likelihood of a guy NOT having kids is slim to none. I guess I'm not good enough to be a parent? I haven't told her how I've been feeling, and I probably won't, only because I don't want to strain our friendship any more than I feel it has been lately, and I don't want her to feel bad.