I Have Borderline Personality Disorder
I feel like I'm not allowed here. I'm not official diagnosed, but before you comment "go to a doctor," please understand that's really hard for me to do right now. But, BPD it seems like the missing piece or link. Even the two friends I have say it's fits me.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but since I discovered bpd it just matches. Unstable relationships, extreme fear of abandonment, mostly caused by my narc dad that would threaten to leave me or send me away and a precious friend I had.
When it comes to anger I'm the hulk. Impulses drive it further and in the end I do or say something I regret.
Maybe I am a piece of sh*t, I don't mean to hurt people but they're always getting burned one way or another. One of my friend's wants to die and yet I can't let him, he's been emotionally abusive lately too, but I can't let another person leave me. I can't help it I get really scared and depressed about people just leaving. Even if it's benefital for me.
I don't have any sense of myself and lack direction.
I know this amounts to nothing but I've taken online tests -- screening ones with the official DMSV or whatever, I've scored highly likely nearly every time.
You know the symptoms and i can't just list and check mark them I have no proof, no one is going to believe this post.
My friend yesterday said he didn't need me and said he was going to leave so I tried everything to make him stay even accepted all the things he was calling me "liar" "btch" andso forth.
He wasn't caring about me he he shouted he didn't care, which along with someone saying they're leaving are trigger words for me so I panicked got really really depressed and cut myself.
I know I have depersonalization/realization issues.
I hea- read people say bpd is hell on earth you hate yourself you want to die and so on, but I don't feel that way all the time so maybe I don't belong here maybe I'm just carting the traits I don't know anymore.. i just don't feel like I belong anywhere else and i don't know I have alexithymia i can't tell anything about my emotions or feelings let alone describe them.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but since I discovered bpd it just matches. Unstable relationships, extreme fear of abandonment, mostly caused by my narc dad that would threaten to leave me or send me away and a precious friend I had.
When it comes to anger I'm the hulk. Impulses drive it further and in the end I do or say something I regret.
Maybe I am a piece of sh*t, I don't mean to hurt people but they're always getting burned one way or another. One of my friend's wants to die and yet I can't let him, he's been emotionally abusive lately too, but I can't let another person leave me. I can't help it I get really scared and depressed about people just leaving. Even if it's benefital for me.
I don't have any sense of myself and lack direction.
I know this amounts to nothing but I've taken online tests -- screening ones with the official DMSV or whatever, I've scored highly likely nearly every time.
You know the symptoms and i can't just list and check mark them I have no proof, no one is going to believe this post.
My friend yesterday said he didn't need me and said he was going to leave so I tried everything to make him stay even accepted all the things he was calling me "liar" "btch" andso forth.
He wasn't caring about me he he shouted he didn't care, which along with someone saying they're leaving are trigger words for me so I panicked got really really depressed and cut myself.
I know I have depersonalization/realization issues.
I hea- read people say bpd is hell on earth you hate yourself you want to die and so on, but I don't feel that way all the time so maybe I don't belong here maybe I'm just carting the traits I don't know anymore.. i just don't feel like I belong anywhere else and i don't know I have alexithymia i can't tell anything about my emotions or feelings let alone describe them.
