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What kind of person asks you to remove your picture of the adopted son you had together, that passed away?

I recently moved into my new apartment. I had two pics of our son on my bureau mirror. Since my apartment is furnished, I left the bureau behind and one of the two pics on the mirror. I went to the house the other day and my ex said "This is my room now and I want your stuff removed... starting with THIS (my son's picture). I don't want to wake up and look at his face every day!"

Seriously? What. The. Hell?
SW-User
23 replies 55 views Sep 14, 2018
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LyricalOne · F
Might be too painful for him to see it every day.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
LyricalOne · F
@SW-User Can't speak to him in particular but I do know there is no timetable on grief. My husband passed 7 years ago this month but every so often the feelings are as raw as if it were yesterday.
+ 3 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018 · Edited: 5 yrs ago
SW-User
@LyricalOne I'm so sorry about your husband.

Yes, I completely agree. I've felt the same way. I just don't understand not wanting to see his face. The memories, sorrow, and joy are there regardless...
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
LyricalOne · F
@SW-User I'm very sorry for your loss as well.

People grieve differently. For some, memories can be very painful, reminders of what one no longer has.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
His way of communicating could have been more sensitive, but I'm not sure I disagree with his not wanting to be reminded all the time (if I have the facts right)
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
@SW-User Why would you not want to remember someone who was such a part of your life? I don't understand. Can you try to explain?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
Viper · M
First off that way he went about that, it COMPLETELY ALL WRONG! And he's acting like a complete douche bag about it and there is no defending that.

That being said... if I woke every morning seeing a lost love one, and it reminded me of a heart breaking split still going on... that would make me want to crawl back into bed and cry (or worse, die). Because it'd be reminding me of the two most horribly important losses in my life...

So what I get out of it (and I could be completely wrong)... is that he's being a spoiled little b!tch brat and stupidly throwing something in your face to hurt you... in an attempt to try and match the hurt feelings that he's feeling in losing you and your son together.

As the saying goes, misery enjoys company... and he's miserable for some reason, maybe miserable in losing you and your son. And he's trying to make you feel the same as he's feeling.

😟 sorry you had to go through that... clearly there is a lot of pain all the way around. I wish I could help by saying something awesome.

[center][b][u][big]It's cloudy right now, but hopefully the future is bright[/big][/u][/b]
[/center]
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
@Viper Actually what you said was perfect and made me cry (in a good way.) Thank you for such a kind and in-depth answer.

I guess I'm just looking at this through a lens of a lot of past hurt. When we found out about the accident, my ex (then husband) literally had zero reaction. He was like a zombie and has never shown any emotion to this day. I had to handle my and my children's grief on my own. It felt like he didn't even care that it happened. Five years later, this felt like another slap in the face. It was like he was saying "take this shit and get it out of here." I just don't understand it. But I'm realizing that I don't have to and it's not my job, nor within my ability to make him care.

The more I let him hurt me, the more happy he is, so I need to let it go.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
Viper · M
@SW-User I'm glad it was perfect :) , and you're welcome and it's always nice to help or try to when possible.

Well I certainly don't know your husband, maybe he didn't care at all, maybe he was emotional over everything... but also zombie like, can all being burying one's feelings down deep and/or depression. I don't have a clue of which it might be.
[quote][b]But I'm realizing that I don't have to and it's not my job, nor within my ability to make him care.

The more I let him hurt me, the more happy he is, so I need to let it go.[/b][/quote]
[b][big]YES![/big][/b], if it's over, then it's time to move on :) and take care of yourself :D
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
Hoodski · 36-40, M
Some people don’t do well seeing pictures everyday but he definitely could have been respectful about it that was very harsh
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
nomercyfortheweak · 26-30, T
Grief makes people crazy but i agree that was extremely harsh of him. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your ex is giving you a hard time. *hugs*
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
Pyscho you are better off without him
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
Sounds kinda harsh or cruel
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
I would have told him to fuck off.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
GeniUs · 56-60, M
and you don't want him staring at something so dear to you. Take it to your apartment and appreciate it.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
@GeniUs That is true and it's exactly what I did. However....I don't know why, but it hurts me that he doesn't care.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
GeniUs · 56-60, M
My daughter died about 30 years ago and we had her body cremated, my ex wife was supposed to have collected the ashes but I learned 5 years ago she hadn't. I collected them but earthly remains mean nothing to me (as the person has been released from them) my ex wanted them to bury. When I delivered them I found out her intention was to put them in the casket in a large urn with a plant over them. Almost all of this was not what I would have wanted but sometimes we just have to accept the crazy that goes on in other people's heads.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
SW-User
@GeniUs I'm so sorry about your daughter.

I agree with you. I guess my emotions are getting the better of me because of everything else going on.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
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Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F
That's awful.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2018
 
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