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I Love My Boyfriend

[b]just to make things clear, I’m asking for advice on what to say to him, there’s no way I’m going headfirst into this moment without knowing what to say, also not playing the victim, as I agree that both sides need to work on the situation together[/b]

I do love my boyfriend, but since we’re getting closer and closer to 5 months into the relationship, he’s goes onto his Xbox a few times, and I’m happy for him, but it makes me want to go home, even though I can’t suggest any other activities to do, but I just feel that I’m not needed. Also I’m pretty sure he takes his gaming seriously,I tried playing Battlefield and I can tell he gets frustrated, and so do I because it’s just a game. I do love him, but could this be the end of our relationship? He’s my first partner, but I do love him, but sometimes he does act a little immature for a 21 year old, and yes I know that he’s still young.
But I do love him and just need more advice as to trying to get his attention more, because I feel the Xbox will rule over this relationship, please help.

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SW-User

I can relate to your problem. I was married and in my 30's when my wife would want to do things on her own sometimes so i'd go and play a video game. I never really thought about it at the time but i think it was putting some distance between us even though she wanted to do some things on her own.

Video games can be fun but i think guys in particular need to learn how and when to play them in a relationship and most importantly see how they can be affecting their relationship and partner. It's a bit like the guy wanting to watch sport with his friends when his gf wants some time together but at least with that she can see what he's doing. With video games the player are in their little solitary world, and the other person can feel left out.

papparrazzi · 26-30, F

THAT’S IT! THATS’S WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR, THANK YOU@!

Some people are saying to break up, but it’s only really just starting up, and I’m a little nervous about telling him, so I might talk to his parents or mainly his mom, because I feel that he’ll get a bit frustrated. I do want to make this work, so I’m gonna try harder.@SW-User

easterniowegin · 51-55, M

@papparrazzi this is a perfect example of how males don't know how to be men anymore. I see you mentioned multiple times in responses that you will do more...or try harder. What about him? He needs to work at least as hard as you at the relationship. My old fashioned tendencies tell me that he should do more - take the lead...unfortunately, he is leading by playing games. And you are not enjoying his direction...and rightly so. Tell him. Be open and honest. But also be prepared to take action if he doesn't respond the way you want him to.
As you said, the relationship is new...so don't force it, if it isnt feeling right. Follow your instincts.

SW-User

@papparrazzi Lol cool! Glad i was able to help a bit!

I would only consider ending the relationship if there were other factors like you think he's cheating online, or if he has become so addicted to the game that you don't do anything together.

I think video games are always going to be around and always be an attraction to guys, especially younger ones, so i think it's something that they need to work out. I would talk to him about it, tell him how it makes you feel and also tell him that there's nothing wrong with him and there's lots of guys even a lot older who do this and have realised it can affect relationships and that they had to learn moderation and when not to play etc.

I know younger guys don't always have a lot of empathy or are good with communication, but he needs to learn to be aware of this sooner than later as it could affect relationships for him later on, especially if he becomes a dad and with those kinds of responsibilities. Just get him to try and find a balance with time with you and some gaming time.

bijouxbroussard · F

@SW-User Just to clarify, were you a gamer when you met your wife, or was it something you used to pass the time when [b]she[/b] was busy ?

SW-User

@bijouxbroussard I wasn't a gamer when we met. It was much later on when she would do things on her own and when i couldn't get time with her. But the thing is, you can play a game or something when she's chosen to be out or doing something on her own, but when shes finished and wants some together time, the risk is that you can suddenly find yourself still in front of the computer with headphones on. You think she's going to say, well i'm free now but it's a physical sign that you are locked away in another world. Not good so i learned. It would have been much better to be reading or watching TV etc.