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How do you move on from an abusive relationship?
I got out of a really bad relationship a few months ago. While I don’t love my abuser anymore the affects still linger. To the point where I push people away because I am so afraid of being hurt. It cost me someone I really love recently, and I can’t stop kicking myself over it . How do you learn to be patient with yourself and learn how to allow someone to love you the way you deserve?
22-25, F
19 replies
Nov 1, 2019
thinkincubes · 36-40, M
One day at a time
Tomorrow · 51-55, F
Allow yourself time. It's the only thing that will work.

Heal first. Worry about everything else later.
BobOrtiz · 31-35, M
Get a psychologist and talk it through
JP1119 · 31-35, MVIP
You’re not with your boyfriend that had cancer anymore?
JP1119 · 31-35, MVIP
[@432192,lequack] I’m sorry he doesn’t think he can be as “emotionally invested” in you. If I had a girlfriend and cancer I imagine I would want the emotional support my girlfriend could give me to help me through my battle, but I guess we’re all different. How’s your cancer treatment coming along?
lequack · 22-25, F
[@337057,JP1119] I sent you a message back. Yeah, I would want the support too, but he doesn’t like for others to see him so weak from treatment. He puts on a brave face, but I can feel how worried he is. We’re still friends, and he cares about me. It’s painful to talk to him though, so I try to minimize our interactions.
JP1119 · 31-35, MVIP
[@432192,lequack] I believe when we get to Heaven all our relationships will be made right. Till then, they’re all imperfect.
MartinTheFirst · 18-21, M
only you can answer that. The fact you think you deserve to be loved means you're not hurt enough to be broken. You'll heal.
Shayla · F
Take time before getting involved with anyone. After a relationship like that it's imperative that you learn who you are again, and that takes time and work. Eventually you'll begin to move on without really noticing the gradual change.
lequack · 22-25, FNudity
[@30123,Shayla] I know who I am and what I want. That’s not been an issue. The issue is drawing boundaries and accepting what’s good for me
If I get abused then I won't care. Life is Life been there
MarkPaul · 22-25, M
You don't... you just move on.
Mamapolo2016 · 61-69, F
In my opinion, and that's all it is, an opinion, although I have experience with this...

You have to forgive the abuser and forget them. As long as they are still the cause of why you behave the way you behave, you remain a victim - and you don't have to.

Once you understand they are no longer relevant to you in any way - any more than a childhood illness you had, like the chicken's easy, like walking out of the shadows into sunlight.

But you have to do that before you can love or let yourself be loved. Sometimes that takes longer than a few months.
curiosi · 56-60, F
Learn about how they operate and manipulate. It's easier to forgive yourself when you see how they play. This book is an excellent reference.

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