I battled self-loathing into my 30s. I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. I wish I had an answer for you and I could tell you how to make it stop, but I don't. Just know that eventually it will.I had this constant loop in my head telling myself how worthless I was. In fact, I once said there wasn't anything someone can say that was worse than things I said about myself. For me, healing took distancing myself from my parents. Once I was able to distance those relationships I was able to find peace. But I would suggest starting with a counselor you feel comfortable talking to. But never, ever doubt that you are a person of worth! And only the most sensitive and kind peoplecare to this degree what others think of them. Most people just don't give a damn what people think and the world can tell.

stop blaming yourself please you cannot take responsibility for others decisions and actions. You have been as true and good a friend and a person as someone can be. You are there for everyone else