I Don't Want Kids
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I Don't Want Kids

As a woman in childbearing age it's pretty difficult dealing with no desire to have kids. Especially because of how family oritented society is, i'm not saying it's a bad thing after all it's the thing that provided me a stable childhood, which is very important, but it's just not for me.

I don't think i'll find happiness in being a mother. However, I might find happiness in finding someone, and being together (emphasis on might). The thing that I struggle with is not my actual desire to have children, but it's society's reaction to my choice. And as much as we all like to pretend we are so hardcore, but we are still influenced by the enviroment and those around us. So i'm worried I might get shamed because of my choices, "oh she's 30 but not married? she must be really sad (imaginging my future here)".

I'm only 23 now, but people my age do have kids and their own families as well, but for me can I have a successful career and an apartment in NYC with my closest friends to live together? Is that too much to ask :/
offingg
26-30, F
32 replies 58 views Jun 3, 2017
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Edited: 6 yrs ago
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RealMustangGuy · 61-69, MVIP
I think it's difficult for any man to give this kind of advice to any woman, so I won't even try on this subject.

But as an older person to a younger person, I can say you have many years yet to make these kinds of decisions. When I was your age getting a start in my career took up all my time and effort. I remember being 23 and thinking everything had to happen right away. But looking back on these past many many years, I had all the time in the world. And so do you.

Doing things to get your career going will pay financial dividends that will benefit you for the rest of your life. If a husband is in your future, or not, or if kids are in your future, or not, having a good career will make any life better for you regardless of how your life unfolds.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@RealMustangGuy: Thank you for the advice. I probably should've had that in mind too, I am thinking in a "things need to happen" right away kind of thinking, and I am also tendigg to think that my desires now will last. I do realize that nothing is stable, so who knows? I might change, but for now, it is unsettling to have to face with the thought thag I might not be equipped with what society deems to be acceptable, and I might have to make my own way through it, that will take effort and tears, but it might be worth it in the end. :) Hope you got what i'm saying!
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
RealMustangGuy · 61-69, MVIP
@offingg: I think I do get what you're saying. I certainly understand your thinking about your time line as I remember my own look at that from your age's point of view.

I'm pretty sure that society won't judge you harshly if you make a success of yourself and choose not to have kids. There are a great many professional women today, many of whom do very well financially. Work towards that goal and the rest will take care of itself for you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
walabby · 61-69, M
@offingg: Yep. I heard of a couple that never wanted kids, accidentally got pregnant, reluctantly continued the pregnancy and had the child. To their complete surprise that loved being parents and had 7 , yes, SEVEN more...
Obviously, not everyone would have that response...
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
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drymer · 56-60, M
I understand, and you have my support. People should be free to decide. Besides, to be a parent is a huge commitment, and even those parents who really really want kids struggle with parenting... Hope all your friends and family don't get too annoying...
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@willuseu: Right. :) And huh! But they will, but thanks for hoping they won't, haha.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
drymer · 56-60, M
I know, you're right, people just won't change their long-established ideas... it's a matter of surrounding yourself with like-minded people, but that's better said than done... Another thought: maybe 10 years from now you'll crave having children more than anything else... So for know you can just tell people that "not yet..."
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@willuseu: Where can I find those people who are like me? They're too rare, lol.

Maybe so, maybe "not yet" it is. :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
inquisitive1407 · F
You are still quite young. Your decision may not remain fixed, but on the other hand it may be. Someone on here had posted that women should not get married/have kids until they are at least 30. Education and a career should come first. Don't depend on a man to support you financially.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017 · Edited: 6 yrs ago
offingg · 26-30, F
@inquisitive1407: It was never my plan to depend on a man, my plan was always to build a career. And I understand i'm young, but women as young as 16 are already being taught how they need to find someone and have kids. Even if indirectly, the message is everywhere. I don't think i'll change my mind, but I learned not to be too sure, things might change.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
SW-User
I've never been married and probably never will be I still don't want kids and am certain I never will and I don't give a hoot what anybody else thinks. Follow your own path !
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@grandaddypurple: :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
Shayla · F
It's smart to decide if kids are right for you or not well before they're created. I respect you being responsible enough to make that choice.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@Shayla: Thank you :)
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
walabby · 61-69, M
With 330 million people in the USA, the country does not need you to have kids, if you don't want to...
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
walabby · 61-69, M
@walabby: The other side to that coin is that if everyone smart enough to be a medical student never has kids, the general IQ of the world would fade out to two digits... :(
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
SW-User
I think you need to do what's best for you and not what society thinks you should do. If you don't want kids, don't have them and who cares what others think, it's your body and your life. Make your decisions for you and to please yourself and not for others.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
SW-User
@offingg: I don't need to be a woman to understand you need to live your life for you and not others.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@hyg346: Actually, you do need to be a biological female to understand a biological female's prespective. Society has different views for different people.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
SW-User
@offingg: why do you care so much about what society thinks? That's your very first problem you need to rectify. Society doesn't care about you and your choices as much as you think it does.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
AcidBurn
I'm not the least bit interested in kids either. I don't see it as a big deal though.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@AcidBurn: How do you not?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
AcidBurn
@offingg: I don't think my purpose is to get married and push out a kid. I don't think I'm stable enough to be a good mother, and chances are I can't have kids anyways.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@AcidBurn: Same here. If only society has more roles in mind for women other than pushing out kids. The idea gets tiring, it's 2017 for God's sake.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
floatingintheocean · 36-40, F
👌 They do shame you for not being married after 30 but the most important thing is you're happy within.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017 · Edited: 6 yrs ago
offingg · 26-30, F
@floatingintheocean: I'm not ready to face that, I won't be ready to face that after 30 either. It's not just the adults, it's even the kids. It's an unbelievable weight on your shoulders. 🙄
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
floatingintheocean · 36-40, F
I understand and it is a nasty annoying battle 😞, some people just can't understand that there are other ways to live.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
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bijouxbroussard · F
No. I respect people who know they're not interested in being parents, it's a tough job and not [b]for[/b] everyone. Those on the outside should leave them alone and respect their choice, too. It's better by far than people who grudgingly have children whom they abuse.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
offingg · 26-30, F
@bijouxbroussard: Exactly!
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Jun 3, 2017
 
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