Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I Don't Want Kids

As a woman in childbearing age it's pretty difficult dealing with no desire to have kids. Especially because of how family oritented society is, i'm not saying it's a bad thing after all it's the thing that provided me a stable childhood, which is very important, but it's just not for me.

I don't think i'll find happiness in being a mother. However, I might find happiness in finding someone, and being together (emphasis on might). The thing that I struggle with is not my actual desire to have children, but it's society's reaction to my choice. And as much as we all like to pretend we are so hardcore, but we are still influenced by the enviroment and those around us. So i'm worried I might get shamed because of my choices, "oh she's 30 but not married? she must be really sad (imaginging my future here)".

I'm only 23 now, but people my age do have kids and their own families as well, but for me can I have a successful career and an apartment in NYC with my closest friends to live together? Is that too much to ask :/

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

RealMustangGuy · 61-69, MVIP

I think it's difficult for any man to give this kind of advice to any woman, so I won't even try on this subject.

But as an older person to a younger person, I can say you have many years yet to make these kinds of decisions. When I was your age getting a start in my career took up all my time and effort. I remember being 23 and thinking everything had to happen right away. But looking back on these past many many years, I had all the time in the world. And so do you.

Doing things to get your career going will pay financial dividends that will benefit you for the rest of your life. If a husband is in your future, or not, or if kids are in your future, or not, having a good career will make any life better for you regardless of how your life unfolds.

offingg · 26-30, F

@RealMustangGuy: Thank you for the advice. I probably should've had that in mind too, I am thinking in a "things need to happen" right away kind of thinking, and I am also tendigg to think that my desires now will last. I do realize that nothing is stable, so who knows? I might change, but for now, it is unsettling to have to face with the thought thag I might not be equipped with what society deems to be acceptable, and I might have to make my own way through it, that will take effort and tears, but it might be worth it in the end. :) Hope you got what i'm saying!

RealMustangGuy · 61-69, MVIP

@offingg: I think I do get what you're saying. I certainly understand your thinking about your time line as I remember my own look at that from your age's point of view.

I'm pretty sure that society won't judge you harshly if you make a success of yourself and choose not to have kids. There are a great many professional women today, many of whom do very well financially. Work towards that goal and the rest will take care of itself for you.

walabby · 61-69, M

@offingg: Yep. I heard of a couple that never wanted kids, accidentally got pregnant, reluctantly continued the pregnancy and had the child. To their complete surprise that loved being parents and had 7 , yes, SEVEN more...
Obviously, not everyone would have that response...