I Dissociate

Right now, I'm starting to relapse in feeling too damn much. Random painful memories keeps popping up in my brain triggering a wide range of emotions. :/ After hitting a breaking point, I'll detach and dissociate. Who I become or what I do during then is a roll of a dice. I might get psychotic, pessimistic/passive agressive, or just plain suicidal, I can't control it whatsoever. Along with the sudden changes I hear the thoughts of my alter and become them to varying degrees. :/

Sometimes there's no warning when this happens. For an example, I woke up one morning, made coffee and was pretty happy, went to go shower then [i]boom![/i] I'm in a psychotic rage for no apparent reason and became a different person during and after.

Though, this time, I feel it coming to take complete control of me. :/ So far, I've been strong enough to supress the waves of emotions but it's reaching a limit.

I hope I can fight this today. 🙏