I Dear Diary

I'm tired but I've made it through another day with minimal crying and rage. Waiting for period day to come any time now so my moods will calm down for a bit *sigh* having Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder makes living in this body so hard. Sometimes I'm drowning in sorrow that has me crying for hours, sometimes I'm full of so much anger hate and frustration I want to divorce my husband and run away or when I'm out of control I WANT to hurt myself, I'm cry and scream angrily at ME. For not being stronger, for not being more rational, for not being the person I was 5 years ago before this became a part of my life. I hate myself for not working and for pushing away the people I love the most when I NEED them. I feel like a stranger in my own body...having brief moments of clarity where I can trust what I'm saying/feeling to be true.
Fucking hormones.