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Do you struggle with telling people "No" or when you feel you might let someone down?

SW-User
Something I have no problem with is saying no. I'm an expert at saying no馃槀
SW-User
@Lisetteas a suggestion tell her politely, that you've already had to pay for others, that you really cannot afford all of that, you could offer to bring your cousin only, or bring the friend if his parents can pay. I don't think there's any shame in being honest here, that woman is chancing her arm and hoping you will foot the bill for everything 馃様
Lisette31-35, F
@SW-User Thank you. Sorry that post was so long. I'm going to see if I can even get him a ticket with all of the rest of the group. I'll worry about the friend later. But I'll have that conversation with her.
SW-User
@Lisette that's OK, you're welcome 馃憤馃憣馃挏
rckt14861-69, M
I hate hurting people I love ,,BUT
I am a firm believer in sometimes love has to be tough
and like discipline ,we hate to do it ,,
but a child without any will bring you shame
So there are a lot of things I hate having to do

I am able to push past the worry of them being mad at me or disappointed in me to do the needful thing

I was afraid of having to hurt one person that was already hurting me
So I hurt someone else by keeping silent hoping it would all work itself out
In the end everyone was hurt
I have not repeated that mistake again
If it needs said ,painful or not .I force myself to say it

Especially when people want me to enable them
A place to stay then they won't work
rides when they want work and earn their own transportation
Help when I know they just want to use me for free labor

I can say no when need be
I tell my kids ,,if in the end someone is going to talk bad about you anyway
go ahead and be the bad guy up front
They are going to still talk bad about you for not helping them
but at least its cost you nothing
To often people use you ,and when you say enough is enough they won't blame themselves .so it has to be you're fault
I prefer them blame me ,but its not cost me anything ,I said NO
Lisette31-35, F
@rckt148 Great advice!
Kwek0041-45, M
Not really... no.
... I think "no" is an important word and it's not used often enough because people are afraid that denying someone something automatically will result in them having bad feelings. This conforming thing is kinda destructive over time.

3 weeks ago, my studygroup decided that someone would make the powerpoint for a text we created. The person that made the powerpoint put a lot of time and effort in it, but it wasn't a good result. The 3 other people were pretty dissapointed by what was produced. However, for some fucked up reason, the other two told her that it was okay because they were afraid to hurt her feelins. And Emailed me (because I was absent last week) without putting her in copy to tell the bad news, because they aren't good at telling "bad news". In other words: "please safe us from our own conformism because we don't want to be the bad guys"... that's how stupid this behavior is.
SW-User
Not anymore. I used to, though.
Memez26-30, F
I think the best way is to say no with an explanation and something positive immediately after haha.
I don鈥檛 have any problem with it at all.
It鈥檚 a sanity preserving measure.
SweetMae70-79, F
I do have a problem with that. I have learned to think of what the impact will be to myself if I say yes.
Lisette31-35, F
@SweetMae That advice was very helpful. I'm going to try to incorporate that into my thinking.
ChilledStone26-30, F
Family, yes - other people not generally
SW-User
Yes i struggle with that sometimes.
rjc3656-60, M
Yes I do most of the time.
SW-User
Easy as 1, 2, 3!!
SW-User
Absolutely not
ViperM
Yeah, though it depends on whom they are to me... but if I like them, and especially if they're special to me, yeah I sometimes struggle saying no.

Though it depends on what it is, that they're asking of me, and who they are to me.
SW-User
Not anymore..
xixgunM
Not once. If the answer is no, then it's no.
Someone, somewhere, will always be let down (or think thy have been).
Beatbox3431-35, M
Yes but the thing is I end up hurt in the end by the same person. Irony right
JohnOinger41-45, M
@Lisette So what do you think of Jason Momoa & Would You Do Him
Not usually, unless it is someone I don鈥檛 want to let down.
snofanM
Not at all.
vetguy199151-55, M
At times yes
SW-User
Justenjoyit56-60, M
I always try to be fair to them, and most importantly fair to myself馃槉

 
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