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I can never comprehend how others find the will to live.

What's the point of all these for all there is now is suffering?
rckt14861-69, M
you have to live long enough to find out ,or not
the loss and the choice is up to whomever is willing to play the game called life ,
I wanted to quit when I lost my first wife and 3 kids to divorce ,again when my brother ended up with my girlfriend
Dad took me to another state and abandoned me ,he was so sure I would do a Cane on their precious little Able ,I was the one wronged twice ,1st by my Brother ,2nd by my Dad ,,
BUT because of them I met my second wife who was an angel ,exactly the woman I prayed for to the "T" ,but I could not let go of the pain I left behind ,and I was an addict ,
But EVERYTHING was going my way
A killer job working for millionaires during the day playing to sold out venues at night every weekend
I even got a little gig for Sunday where I got to pretend I was Jimmy Buffet ,,,but my back gave out ,how is unimportant ,I ended up crippled for the next year until I had major surgery on my 30th birthday ,,walked out of the hospital in 5 days was back on a job on day 9
Ended up doing a little poetic justice on someone who used me 7 yrs and then watched me lose everything I worked for with no sympathy at all ,,and then a tiny sliver of bone paralyzes my arm ,my wife leaves ,takes me for everything she can get ,and I end up homeless ,sleeping with hobo's and wineo's
But I meet someone who helps me again rise from the ash's
and I get to be a recording star ,,,find my kids and now I have a son ,and 6 grandkid who make life worth all the pain I have ever endured ,,and I have never told my life story in such a small book ,,,LOL
Moral of the story ,Able faked a back injury ,was awarded $170.000.00 ,3 days before his check arrived he killed himself
My home he lived in was paid for ,he found a way not to work again and was set and he killed himself ,,he had alway had it all ,and I was always starting over ,,is it now ironic
I ended up happy ,and he killed himself ,,
Such is the game of life
You don't know who wins until the end
Quitters always lose ,,oh ,and now I don't have to work either
I just get drunk.
emereese26-30
@lulaluboo that's just prolonging the agony tho 馃槓
SaulGoodman26-30, M
@emereese oh thats awful. Are you able to try for Medicaid? I have that, and even though I'm not in treatment if i was I would be able to get meds and everything for free.
emereese26-30
@SaulGoodman I dont think we have that here. I have insurance but apparently the brain isn't part of the body since they don't cover psychiatric bills.
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emereese26-30
@SW-User sadly, on the DNA part, I hit jackpot on all the bad stuff 馃槄
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come to manila and ill give you the will to live
emereese26-30
@Dewms I wish I could now. I really need it asap 馃槶
@emereese 馃槥 you need to get away from there omg
emereese26-30
@Dewms I knoooow. Gonna take some certification this year so that next year I can work sa sped and then apply outside for work 馃槗
SW-User
I understand your sorrow but to live is to be given a gift that some don鈥檛 even get the chance to experience so I feel we should live life to the fullest for those who aren鈥檛 here or who physically or emotionally can鈥檛.

Inspiration is needed on earth 馃寧

It helps others and it helps ourselves and future generations
emereese26-30
@SW-User but a single person wouldn't go amiss amongst billions of people in this earth.
I can't/won't give up. So, I can either struggle to have more good moments in my life that make it worth living. Or struggle anyway and watch my life get worse.
emereese26-30
@AmbivalentFriability I wish tha can be an option
@emereese Considering that it is not, your options are to continue to feel hopeless and shitty, or to feel hopeless and shitty while taking small steps forward and begin taking your life back and getting what you want and deserve out of life. Feeling better, and more hopeful is possible. I used to literally have such severe anxiety that I would have full on panic attacks just trying to talk to people online, and going to the grocery store was a nightmare. I used to also have a speech impediment so severe that I quite literally barely spoke because it just felt so defeating and was so difficult. But now I have a full-time job, I bought a nice car a few months ago, and I do everything on my own, and I don't wake up absolutely loathing myself anymore. It is literally the most challenging and exhausting thing I have ever done, but it has been worth it.

I promise that it's possible.
emereese26-30
@AmbivalentFriability That's awesome 馃槉 I'm glad you're king great now. I wish I can believe that things will get better again. I really wish.
SW-User
How is it so....what suffering are we talking about, here.
SW-User
@emereese Is it more than enough suffering to lose the will to live? We can always change, shift mode, do something, to ease the pain or siffering. But there is always hope. Losing the will to live, imho, is much more harder than holding onto hope.
emereese26-30
@SW-User hope is unreliable. Now that I think of it I have abandoned it unknowingly ages ago.
SW-User
@emereese Huh?馃槺 Be well, hon.
SwampFlower31-35, F
I actually lost the will a long time ago.
emereese26-30
@SwampFlower how is it that you're still here? Can you tell me your secret
SwampFlower31-35, F
@emereese cruel twists of fate?
emereese26-30
@SwampFlower like novel type of plot twist?
Deadcutie18-21, F
Then it鈥檚 good I鈥檓 a sadomasochist

 
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