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My dad is a racist.

So, we just watched the verdict of the Derek Chauvin trial, and I was almost in tears, happy that he was convicted. My dad starts talking about how there’s another camera angle of the video of him kneeing on Floyd and that he wasn’t on his neck. My dad is acting like he wants to prove that a white cop wouldn’t murder a black man. My dad also is racist towards Arabs, thinking that they’ll be dangerous which is so wrong. It pisses me off, and I almost don’t want to have a relationship with him anymore. Any advice?
Xavierr · 46-50, M
Having a different opinion than you doesn't make your dad "racist," a term so overused it no longer has any meaning. Grow the f*ck up.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@1069095,unknowncomic] so another conspiracy
JustcallmeNameless · 36-40, F
[@590417,marilynmichelle] you need to learn what attempted murder means. You don't even know what you are talking about.
[@1069095,unknowncomic] ewww youre a gross person
DunningKruger · 56-60, M
Wow. Unbelievable some of the responses you're getting to this message.

No. Scratch that. Entirely believable.

Advice? You aren't required to have a relationship with something simply because, by an accident of birth, you happen to share some DNA. If he wants to have a relationship with you, he needs to meet you halfway. If he's not willing to do that and he expects you to change to accommodate him, then you have to ask yourself how much you really need him in your life.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@10617,DunningKruger] disgusting venom eh? People's true stripes come through
SW User
Get over yourself lmao
Are you serious? My dad is incredibly offensive towards people of color and you’re telling ME to get over myself? Ffs.[@1188060,Brokenangel]
[@1188060,Brokenangel] The hell?
First of all the people calling you a snowflake or anything along them lines are too narrow sighted to gauge the deeper problem here and reduce everything to "liberalism" which speaks volumes. Pay them no mind.

As for your dad, that's tricky and difficult to escape. Sometimes my parents say shit that frustrates me and I've learned that no amount of disputing does anything to change their stance. You're clashing heads with programming that runs deeper than their upbringing. It's an entire system that they defend without even really understanding the implications of it.

Plant seeds of thought while you're under the same roof, doing this is challenging him without draining yourself or your peace of mind.

Or avoid the conversations with him all together if it spares you the headache.

One thing I've taken away is if I can't work against someone, I work around them. Do this until you have the means to leave and when you do leave you'll have a better understanding of whether you want that toxicity in your life in doses or even at all.
RogueLoner · M
Get a job and move out?
[@609293,RogueLoner] Working on that!
TexChik · F
The knee didn’t kill that guy . Your dad likely remembers 9/11 where “ Arabs” attacked this country and killed over 3000 Americans and destroyed the World Trade Center . Some people hold grudges 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Xavierr · 46-50, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] You posted this. Now you're whining that people are disagreeing with you. Typical millenial. TYPICAL
[@1069095,unknowncomic] I’m not complaining that people are disagreeing. I have no issue with that. I may not like it, but they can disagree all they want. I’m upset at those telling me to get over myself and being rude. THAT’s my problem.
Xavierr · 46-50, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] Constructive criticism is what it is. Take people's advice and change.
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
We all need to learn how to have conversations with people without feeling the need to exclude them from our lives.

“Dad, you’re wrong... so, how about the NHL playoffs this year?”

So long as he’s not out there breaking laws and being uncivil to people, you don’t need to confront him on every topic.

But you also needn’t agree with him.
SW User
Tampa all the way 😝[@802348,JoeyFoxx]
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
[@1188060,Brokenangel] LETS GO BRUINS!
KaliKali · F
Stop talking to him.
curiosi · 56-60, F
That's a good little snowflake.
[@20049,acpguy] So you’re God? You get to decide who is worthy of living a full life and who isn’t?
acpguy · C
[@590417,marilynmichelle] Just honest little one.
[@20049,acpguy] Someone’s past shouldn’t dictate their future if they’re trying to change. Think on that.
Geno1996 · 26-30, M
I mean in the actual footage, Derek kept shifting his knee. If you did any research, you'd know that. If anything, he could've been charged with manslaughter if anything, but to charge him with second degree murder or anything would imply you can read his mind and knew what his intent was. The only reason they convicted him was because they're scared of the riots which will happen no matter what the verdict would have been, anyway. Derek was a bad cop, I agree. But if you can't even legitimately prove the charges, there's really no case due to reasonable doubt and I've listened to lawyers talk about this case saying that and even judges saying things. Your dad doesn't sound racist, he just did his research is all. The part about Arabs I think is dumb, too, but he's allowed to have his own opinions. If you're gonna hate your dad for thinking differently than you, you're an immature child.
deadgerbil · 22-25
[@401815,KaliKali] I've had the pleasure of interacting with him before. He is completely clueless on these issues. He even tried to tell me that I'm in the KKK for some bizarre reason even though I'm mixed lol

[@711771,Geno1996]

[quote]Subd. 2.Unintentional murders. Whoever does either of the following is guilty of unintentional murder in the second degree and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than 40 years:

(2) causes the death of a human being without intent to effect the death of any person, while intentionally inflicting or attempting to inflict bodily harm upon the victim, when the perpetrator is restrained under an order for protection and the victim is a person designated to receive protection under the order.

https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/cite/609.19
[/quote]
KaliKali · F
[@761112,deadgerbil] He's just going to say that it proves his point.
mikeylyksit · 41-45, M
[@711771,Geno1996] QUICK!!! You deprive a human being of oxygen for 9 minutes. What is your intent?
You know what? I don’t care anymore. I give up. This world is an awful place.
[@1188060,Brokenangel] I’ve said this multiple times now. I look at differing sources. I don’t just go with what the media says or what my friends or parents say. This issue is past my limit. So, please. While I appreciate it, please stop.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] she is a troll
MarkS · 51-55, M
Educate him as best you can. Love him with all your heart. Forgive him when he messes up.
LoveTriumphsOverHate · 31-35, M
[@970756,MarkS] Good advice. Disowning him isn't going to solve anything or make him come around. The best thing she can do is try to educate him and hope and pray he'll change his ways.
Adaydreambeliever · 56-60, FVIP
Yes, I have advice.. we can't choose our parents! You are not your dad, you aren't responsible for his views, you don't have to like them and you can say so... but your relationship is so much more than this..
GirlPulse · 26-30, F
Ugh it's hard. Even reading some of the comments in response to you is hard. He's being a jerk about it, and that makes it hard for you. But at the same time, he's the only dad you've got. You want to try to keep your relationship with him if you can.

I don't know if I could do it. I might end up storming off several times. But if you can, here's what I recommend. Instead of getting angry, try to get at what's behind his comments, and then what's behind that. Behind everyone's racism is fear, and fear is a common human emotion. Try to get at what the real concern is, like he's worried that the riots are tearing down our nation or something. And then find the parts of those deeper feelings that you can agree with.

"You know what dad, I'm really worried about the riots too. I think a lot of the rioters and especially looters are not people who are concerned about racial justice at all. But why do you think those riots are happening? Do you think there is anything that could happen to you where you would ever think things are so bad that you would have to riot?"

I don't know. Maybe something like that can work. If not, just try to keep your patience and walk away when you have to. I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap. Good luck!
Northwest · M
You are not going to be able to have a rational conversation with your dad about this issue. You, however, are not required to listen to his racist rants. Make that clear to him. I'm sure you two can find some topic you'll both agree on.
[@9416,Northwest] Thank you.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@9416,Northwest] sage advice
mikeylyksit · 41-45, M
If you are face down on pavement, you need to have no weight on your neck and minimal weight on your back. If you have a full-grown adult male kneeling on your back, you will slowly suffocate to death. Your dad wants to make the argument that Chauvin wasn't kneeling on Floyd's neck? OK, let's suspend reality for a second.
1) He was kneeling on his neck and thus murdered him quickly OR
2) He was kneeling on his back and thus murdered him *slowly*

Murder is murder. But wouldn't a quick death be just a tad better than a slow death?

If we believe your dad's argument, then not only was Floyd murdered...but he was done so in a slow, extra-cruel manner.

As for your father not believing Floyd was murdered. Yes, there are plenty of stupid people in the world. You can't cure stupid. So you need to learn to live with him as he is. My best advice is to not discuss this case with your dad, ever. Don't talk about any subjects which you know are touchy, because of your father's views. If he's constantly throwing garbage at you (his radical opinions) you might have to cut contact with him for a while. For your own sanity.


What bothers me is, many people seem to be under the impression that the verdict is supported by liberals and panned by conservatives. I'm very conservative. I also have a brain. You deprive a human being of oxygen for almost 9 minutes, and the outcome is... predictable. This was a clear case of attempted murder. Considering a death resulted, it was also a clear case of murder.

The only other thing that confuses me is, why was this not charged as 1st degree? Does wearing a badge while killing someone make it suddenly "not as bad"????
carpediem · 61-69, M
[@1201123,mikeylyksit] Rant to someone else. I don't care to engage your mania.

The man had an opinion. He's entitled to it. Recommending to a young woman to avoid her father it is in my opinion the mark of an extremist.

Let me guess.... you're new here. Yahoo refugee?
mikeylyksit · 41-45, M
[@112526,carpediem] Well, we have to agree to disagree. If someone is related to you by blood, that doesn't automatically mean that they are your friend. I guess you would call me a Yahoo refugee. I was level 7 there for many years, with many followers. Then I started over with a new account during the Pandemic, and made it up to level three. Ironically, I'd say that (so far) I like SW better than what used to be YA. For the longest time, YA banned comments, specifically to stifle conservative voices. Plus, YA never would have allowed nudity. I'm not specifically looking for nudity. But it's nice to find a forum that isn't so sexually repressed.
SW User
I would leave the room and double my efforts to get out on my own.

Rascism is not based in logic so logical arguments usually don't persaude the individual not to be so.
Tres13 · 51-55, M
Slade · 51-55, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] "Do not try to tell me he wasn’t murdered. Even if he wasn’t"

W.
T.
F.
[@1195324,Backdoortothesublime] This isn’t a matter of opinion. Whether or not drugs played a part, you can’t deny that Chauvin shouldn’t have been on his neck or that it wasn’t attempted murder. There’s NO way y’all can tell me that he thought leaning all his body weight on someone’s neck for NINE minutes wouldn’t kill him.
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] and certainly don’t allow yourself to be baited into a conversation with a douchebag like [@476434,Tres13]

I don’t block him. I don’t cancel him. I call him a douchebag when he acts like one.

And if he wants to talk about sports, we can do that.
Jester1987 · M
People have their opinion. As long as it's just his thoughts, it can be changed. He can be changed. If he is actually doing something a racist would do in action like actively participating against a person because of their race and have done so perviously then I can understand your hate. But you are young. Don't judge people just because they want to prove their point right and it seemed supporting a racist. It may seem wrong but your dad is just have something up his mind, probably something happened in his past that he wasn't able to defend, and now be subconsciously trying to defend the guilty to prove a lost fight. And he has his insecurities about Arabs. So it's nothing. Life is a lesson we keep changing and learning. Help him see your point and try to see his point even if it makes your blood boil. 😅
He might be saying ridiculous things but at the end of the day he’s your Dad.

If you want to part ways with your family over shit on the news, go for it. You’ll probably live to regret it.
[@981722,morvoren] But it’s not just “shit on the news.” It was someone’s life and it’s systemic racism that has continued for hundreds of years and SHOULD NEVER happen.
[@590417,marilynmichelle] I’m not saying it isn’t wrong, I’m not saying what he said isn’t wrong.

I’m just saying you shouldn’t give up on a relationship with someone who’s cared for you since before you were born because you have a different opinion about it.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@590417,marilynmichelle] I have my sister and her super right wing family. I just have to put it aside most of the time
Dolimyte · 36-40, M
Pretend he didn't offend you and swallow your pride. Do not try to change his mind. Then once you are independent, distance yourself until you feel comfortable, up to and including zero contact, if that's what it takes. Good luck.
Wow ... that is quite a lot of discussion.

▪The officer was railroaded

▪The evidence at trial was irrelevant to the charges ... it was a show

▪For the most part, the MN prison system will move him to parole

▪He just had to sit there and watch the show

The show was about politics ... not justice

It was silly from the start.

It is silly now

Please do not think you are better than your dad ... both you and him deserve a better outcome

If you believe yourself morally superior to people ... rethink it
carpediem · 61-69, M
You had your own preconceived idea just like he did. You didn't see the evidence provided in court. What if he was not guilty? Would you have been upset? Would you have said some things he would have felt were anti-cop?

People will say strong things about this verdict, but no one really knows a damned thing except what their opinions were. The jury saw the evidence and made the best choice with the information in front of them. If it went the other way, there would have been riots, looting and civil disorder.
acpguy · C
He is who he is accept it. You are racist also just in a different way, just like BLMs, LGBTs and many others.
acpguy · C
[@339269,JimboSaturn] And here we have another liberal that cannot handle honesty. I suppose calling someone a snowflake which is factual just the same as calling someone white is name calling? You liberals are all the same and I suppose soon coming to a fake news channel............liberal will be considered name calling. You need to get a life like all of your ilk,
acpguy · C
[@339269,JimboSaturn] I see, you are a Canuck socialist. That explains it. I love blocking you kind.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
[@20049,acpguy] lol You don't know me. But I laugh at your week minded generalization and lazy parroting of the silly websites rhetoric that you spew the same things and same simple minded name calling. Go away little man you have no power here! be gone little butt hurt boy![@20049,acpguy]
acpguy · C
Try looking at the majority of responses you are getting, try to think of what they are trying to ell you, a smart person will accept the truth of education of people with experience a liberal will only deny and follow the typical brainwashing they have had from fake news and liberal education.
[@20049,acpguy] I think most of the responses are missing the point
acpguy · C
[@22111,ImperialAerosolKidFromEP] No, is that simple enough to understand for you?
acpguy · C
[@22111,ImperialAerosolKidFromEP] And another Canuck that enjoys his socialism. Bye, Bye
Diamonddog · 26-30, M
He might just be very factually minded and stubborn, doesn't believe everything he hears and sees until he knows everything. It's hard for people who think more emotionally to understand someone whos more pragmatic (you see it in politics a lot).

In other words, I'd probably give him the benefit of the doubt. Kind of a stupid hill to die on but its quite a conclusion to jump to.
Lilymoon · 46-50, F
Get your own place. Then you won't have to listen to him
we don't do enough in this country to encourage wonen to become finanically independent. it's like some men are too insecure and think you wont want us if you don't need our money. my advice? Find a way to get your own income and get out.
LoveTriumphsOverHate · 31-35, M
[@10406,BetweenKittensandRiots] True. Financial hardship or rather 'security' is the reason why half of women who remain in abusive relationships do so.
[@1164612,LoveTriumphsOverHate] Exactly. it doesn't serve my interest AT ALL to keep women finanically dependent because it keeps them TRAPPED with abusers. more opportunity for me if they ARE independent.
BlueVeins · 22-25
Not much you can do. People on here commenting that you have to stop talking to him or something, but that wouldn't help anyway. 🤷‍♂️ Hope he stops being racist, but don't hold your breath.
I can understand how unpleasant it is to be close to someone like that and I certainly don't blame you for how you [i]feel[/i] at the moment. But family bonds can't so easily be broken.
Funny how so many SWeeps seem to know your old man so much better than you do
[@22111,ImperialAerosolKidFromEP] They’re putting themselves in [b]his[/b] place. Several people here are racists too, unfortunately.
Quetzalcoatlus · 46-50, M
Marry a POC, have some cute babies, he’ll get over it real quick...
[@946009,Quetzalcoatlus] So you’re telling her to bring a person of color into that ? I can tell you, not everyone’s racist family member “comes around” and it’s even harder being a biracial kid living around a racist relative.
MOONAMONA86 · 31-35, F
I think you’re dad isn’t a racist I think he’s just giving his observation
spjennifer · 56-60, T
Have you had a calm and reasoned conversation with him yet? If he can't see your point of view after one, then ask him politely to refrain from those kind of comments in your presence as you don't agree with him. I'm not saying that he is wrong and you are right or vide-versa but if you don't reasonably call him out when he makes comments like that he'll never know how much it upsets you.
Have you asked him to show you the angle?
SW User
I'd have to get out of there
My tactic with racist (among other things) in my family is grin and bear it until I can leave and don't have to be around them. But I'm scared of confrontation so maybe that isn't good advice.
LoveTriumphsOverHate · 31-35, M
He's still your dad. You have to try to persuade him to change his way of thinking but don't disown your father because maybe he was raised up with that mentality.
MOONAMONA86 · 31-35, F
Move out and stop living under his money
[@1091725,MOONAMONA86] Working on it.
carpediem · 61-69, M
[@20049,acpguy] Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think what you were trying to say is you hate people who are prejudiced no matter what color skin.
acpguy · C
[@112526,carpediem] That and bad people.
This message was deleted by its author.
[@1201123,mikeylyksit] I was making a point with another user on here - read the thread - and yes he did have a rap sheet that filled one 8x10 piece of paper.
JoeyFoxx · 51-55, M
[@760047,MarmeeMarch] are you 12?
[@802348,JoeyFoxx] What are you talking about now - drunkard.

 
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