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Am I wrong? [I Need Advice]

I’ve been in a relationship about 5-6 years now. This man has 6 adult children. Never have I gotten a card or gift on any occasion or even a text. My birthday came and went again nothing. But every family function I have attended for him. I even hosted the Mother’s Day party at the house for about 30 people I did everything while he got drunk did nothing. I did it because he’s a widow and the kids miss their mother still after 8 years. Recently I decided to stop doing family functions with him because they just ecnor me anyway and it’s no fun. Being that we’re not engaged and never will be I decided I enjoy not being around them even though when I see them I’m very nice. Well, next week he’s throwing another party for the eldest step daughter she’s 45! I told him I won’t be home and gently explained why. He blew up and said I should be there for him? He blew up with rage and said than he’s done with me? I don’t see how it’s fair? I explained in 6 years nothing is ever done for me not even a text happy bday but I always help him with their bdays and party’s at the house and he agreed but still thinks I’m wrong? He never throws me a party and invited them. There’s a party or function almost every month! Is it wrong fir me not to be here or want to be here?
So, are you still with him?
It sounds like it's been nothing but a one-way street.
BigGuy2 · 26-30, M
That's awful
jazzits · 61-69, M
He seems very selfish and self-centered. I'm not seeing the good times here but if he's going to end things over this after 6 years maybe he's looking for a way out and this is he's excuse.
I'd be repentant if I were him not confrontational. As I see it you are absolutely not wrong.
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@jazzits when I talk about perhaps moving he gets mad. He does not know how to he repentant only controlling.
Carazaa · F
So sorry that he's a jerk. That's great that you have shared how you feel. It's a good thing that he said he is done with you so now you can leave with good conscience. So he doesn't love you, or he doesn't realize what a jerk he is so have a safe plan to leave. And if he changes his mind then you can ask him for non negotiable contract for changes, and give him another chance.

God has a better plan for your life than being with him probably, trust in that!

I will pray for you!
Carazaa · F
@SazyGirl "If" you can leave? Why can't you.
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@Carazaa finances. He took ill and can no longer drive and has a lot of drs appts. His kids don’t help him at all so I accepted his offer to move in and help. I left another state to be here and left my job behind. So now I have a job that pays half what I made. I can take my old job back and move again or start over somewhere else it’s just not financially do able yet.
Carazaa · F
@SazyGirl So here is some advice for the future live and learn.
1. Never move to a mans town and move into his house unless he's your husband first.
2. You are paying for his illness and helping him raise his kids? That's great, God Bless you, but realize that he has to earn this, what has he done to earn your love?
3. Its Ok for you to have high standards, because you deserve to be treated good. If your standards aren't met move out!
None of it has been fair. But you’ve stuck around anyway. We teach people how to treat us based upon what we will accept. And even now, you’re second guessing yourself—not him. You should’ve [b]been[/b] out of there.
a relationship should be mutual.
SW-User
He has never got you anything for you birthday or the kids never have?
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@SW-User I only do out of love. The children made it clear they don’t care about me at all but I continued to take him shopping to help pick things out for his kids or help him host parties for his family I would do all the cooking, serving and clean up. Mother’s Day it was my idea to host a party on the property big bbq for 30 people. I had butterflies for the kids to release for thier mother and s as nice picture of her. They told their dad they could not believe it was my idea and everyone had a great time. It was my idea to get gifts for all the moms there. All 16. I made sure they were all thought of. I am a mother of 2 and they all know my 3rd passed away at age 14. I said not one word not receiving even a card from all 30 people of his family as I did it for them. My boys wouldn’t come they don’t like him or his family so I sacrifice a lot for his well being.
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@SW-User I get along with them one of which I can talk to but but I think it’s time to let go because it won’t change. There’s no respect for me
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@SazyGirl and I don’t expect presents a simple text hey happy bday or merry Xmas would be nice
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
Thank you everyone for your comments I just thought how crazy of him and am I missing something there? I really want out and have a chance at a more normal healthy loving relationship
SW-User
Been using you. It's a big mistake to expect someone taking advantage of you to be 'fair'

You kick him to the kerb
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@SW-User it’s his house so I have to figure out something
SW-User
@SazyGirl It's really damaging to be treated as less than your worth. Sounds like you made a lot of sacrifices for him
Ksmile14 · F
I'm sorry he's treating you that way, but I think you need to get as far away from him and his kids as you can. *hug*
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@Ksmile14 thank you
spice1 · M
No it's not wrong you should be done with him too and find yourself someone who,really loves you.
Paliglass · 41-45, F
Tell his children how you feel. Give them a chance to change their behaviour.
SW-User
I got out of a bad relationship just a month ago so glad I finally did after six long years. It is such a relief. Get away from that whole mess you will feel free again..
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@SW-User how do you get out ?
RaemaSnr · 22-25, F
Hes trying to manipulate you, don't be gaslighted you're not in the wrong
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@RaemaSnr I know right? So do I stand my ground and just do what I planned was not to be here? I usually trade shifts with coworkers so I’m working at every family event but this time he knows I’m off work 4 hrs before his party
RaemaSnr · 22-25, F
@SazyGirl Strongly think you should stand your ground and have a conversation with him if he wants to confront you
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
@RaemaSnr you used the term (gaslighting me) I read all the points on that unfortunately I fit into all the victim points that’s why I needed reassurance as I’m trying to make changes but the more I do the angrier he gets. I just want to have a self worth
VirginMatchmaker · 46-50, M
The guy sounds like a total arse. You should definitely bench him!
SazyGirl · 56-60, F
What would anyone else do?
Lostpoet · M
You should feel respected

 
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