Am I wrong? [I Need Advice]

I’ve been in a relationship about 5-6 years now. This man has 6 adult children. Never have I gotten a card or gift on any occasion or even a text. My birthday came and went again nothing. But every family function I have attended for him. I even hosted the Mother’s Day party at the house for about 30 people I did everything while he got drunk did nothing. I did it because he’s a widow and the kids miss their mother still after 8 years. Recently I decided to stop doing family functions with him because they just ecnor me anyway and it’s no fun. Being that we’re not engaged and never will be I decided I enjoy not being around them even though when I see them I’m very nice. Well, next week he’s throwing another party for the eldest step daughter she’s 45! I told him I won’t be home and gently explained why. He blew up and said I should be there for him? He blew up with rage and said than he’s done with me? I don’t see how it’s fair? I explained in 6 years nothing is ever done for me not even a text happy bday but I always help him with their bdays and party’s at the house and he agreed but still thinks I’m wrong? He never throws me a party and invited them. There’s a party or function almost every month! Is it wrong fir me not to be here or want to be here?

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

SW-User

He has never got you anything for you birthday or the kids never have?

SazyGirl · 56-60, F

@SW-User he will do things for me for all holidays yes but his adult children come over all the time they know me well and never extend a text or card not even on Christmas. He’s never had a party for me with inviting them no.

SW-User

@SazyGirl I can see how that would be extremely hurtful. I guess you have two ways of looking at this. One ways says that if you are giving presents with the hope of getting something back then you are giving them but really thinking about yourself, therefore you are making giving presents about you. That doesn’t sound like what is going on here in fairness.

Sounds like you have been generous with your time and money. So the second way of looking at it is that you give the presents regardless of what you get in return because that is the type of person you are, you know that the presents don’t bring you validation.

Personally speaking I would have a word with one of the children you feel closest to and ask them why they have never felt the need to buy you something. Tell them that you feel a little hurt but it. This conversation is delicate and should be handled as an adult without accusation, shouting or insults. Sometimes people just don’t realise how their behaviour affects others.

SazyGirl · 56-60, F

@SW-User I only do out of love. The children made it clear they don’t care about me at all but I continued to take him shopping to help pick things out for his kids or help him host parties for his family I would do all the cooking, serving and clean up. Mother’s Day it was my idea to host a party on the property big bbq for 30 people. I had butterflies for the kids to release for thier mother and s as nice picture of her. They told their dad they could not believe it was my idea and everyone had a great time. It was my idea to get gifts for all the moms there. All 16. I made sure they were all thought of. I am a mother of 2 and they all know my 3rd passed away at age 14. I said not one word not receiving even a card from all 30 people of his family as I did it for them. My boys wouldn’t come they don’t like him or his family so I sacrifice a lot for his well being.

SazyGirl · 56-60, F

@SW-User I get along with them one of which I can talk to but but I think it’s time to let go because it won’t change. There’s no respect for me

SazyGirl · 56-60, F

@SazyGirl and I don’t expect presents a simple text hey happy bday or merry Xmas would be nice