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My mom didn’t show up to my birthday party yesterday. Do I have every right to be hurt about this? [I Need Advice]

I texted my my mom last week to remind her that it’s my 18th birthday which was on the 15th. I mean I shouldn’t have to tell her because she’s the one that gave birth to me. And guess why she did not respond until The next day. She didn’t even say happy birthday to me at all and then I asked her if she was still going to come to my birthday party and she said that she might have to work. Frankly she always makes excuses. Like whenever I invite her to something she always has the excuse that she has to work or something came up.
So yesterday was my birthday party. I’ve been looking for my mom to see if she’s going to come. I mean she said she’ll try but she never showed up. So my dad and my half brother and sister and my aunt (that’s been a mother to me) had to sit me down and bluntly explain to me one more time that my mom is not interested in my life and I’m an 18-year-old woman now and I’m too old to be crying for my mommy. This is my mom‘s fault for abandoning us 10 years ago and she never calls or anything so why bother inviting her in the first place and plus she probably can’t handle all of us calling her out for leaving us. My sister said it was my day and don’t let that loser ruin it and just have fun and move on. My dad‘s girlfriend told me bluntly that I need to take care of my own goddamn self. I’m an 18-year-old woman now and I need to start making myself happy instead of chasing after the woman that doesn’t want me. Forget her!
😭😭😭

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DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

At 17 I was forced to leave mom and live with my half brother. Her fault really. It hurt. I didn't hear from her again until I graduated high school. No gifts. Just a hug in a picture.

I almost immediately went into the Air Force. I called her a few times and even wrote. No calls back, no gifts, I knew she couldn't write.

Came back home to visit after basic. No one picked me up. So I walked to my father's place. There my father's apartment manager let me use his phone to call my half brother. Dad was at work.

On the phone my brother said pretty much the same thing. Time to grow up.

That was the start of my distancing from my family! Oh I took care of both a few decades later. Yet everyone had distanced themselves from me.

One of the things she said to me a few months before she passed away deeply hurt.

"No woman will ever love you".

Yet now, with no grudges towards her, I wonder who was the reason for that?

Abuse begets even more abuse. 😢

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LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@DeWayfarer OK OK you don’t have to yell at me. Everyone of my family seem to drop her number and just forget her and MoveOn and I’m a grown woman that doesn’t need to be crying about wanting my mommy. I really need her and she keeps rejecting me. My best friends were like why do you even consider a woman doesn’t even want you at all? That really hurt my feelings. My Guy best friend said that they’re not trying to sound like they’re being mean because it’s the truth and I don’t want to hear the truth.

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl do you really think it will ever change?

Not saying to drop the numbers. Just don't expect a single darn thing. I did take care of both decades later. And they both did raise me as heartless as it was.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@DeWayfarer OK I guess I see what you’re saying. My dad said that I prove to them that I didn’t need my mother at all and there’s stuff I can do on my own but I’m still learning.

carpediem · 61-69, M

My advice... Take this out of the public square and talk it out with your mom eye to eye. There's likely more to the story than you know.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@carpediem I guess

Dolimyte · 41-45, M

She sounds like a narcissist. I think everyone is just frustrated with seeing you get hurt. They only want what's best, but you can't just stop loving her, can you? It's normal to want her in your life, but it may be time to stop reaching out to her. Relationships are a two way thing after all.

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LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@Dolimyte My family keeps telling me to drop her delete her number and move on. But I can’t delete her number what if she dies I don’t hear from her again?

Dolimyte · 41-45, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl if she doesn't die, how likely are you to hear from her again?

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@Dolimyte ☹️🙁
Wow really? Before last week I have t heard from her in a month in a half.

Amyrakunejo · F

Whilst their advice may be sound, and your deadbeat mother deserves to be left in your dust, you have every reason and every right to feel hurt. Fuck all if anyone says otherwise.

I miss my own mother, and the rest of my small family. Of course, my story and reasons why we were separated are far different but they hurt no less.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@Amyrakunejo I’m sorry. I mean this was my 18th birthday and my mom missed it and I can’t believe she didn’t keep her promise well actually I’m not surprised to be honest with you

aaaabbbb

I am deeply sorry about your mother abandoning you and your siblings. It is gut wrenching, something we rarely see from a mother/woman going to that length but she no longer needs to invited or expected. She is Fucking Quitter. For get her. She does not deserve you guys.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@aaaabbbb Actually my mom is my half brother and sister stepmother. We all have the same dad but different moms. But yeah I really don’t understand why my mom wouldn’t want to be in my life. My best friends even said I don’t even know why I bothered or even consider inviting the woman that walked out of my life and wants nothing to do with me.

aaaabbbb

@LaylaTheTallGirl I see. Well it is unfortunate. She is going to lose out on a lot. Is she with another man and have more kids with him.?

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

I think it is time to lose her number and forget about her. She is not interested

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@smileylovesgaming I can’t lose her number. I mean what if something happens to her or what she dies? I haven’t checked my two best friends about this and they told me I need to go on with my life drop her delete her number and forget that selfish bitch. They didn’t have to call her a bitch

smileylovesgaming · 31-35, F

@LaylaTheTallGirl well they are right u need to lose it

LaylaTheTallGirl · 18-21, F

@smileylovesgaming She isn’t a bitch. She just said goodbye but at least she left letters but she has been sending letters much anymore. I can’t believe you’re agreeing with them that she’s a bitch. No one insults my mom like that. My girlfriend said well it’s the truth and I need to except it delete her number forget her and move on. I can’t delete her number I mean what if something happened to her when she died?

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