Comment with your sign and I will write you a 100% accurate horoscope [Spirituality & Religion]

@SW-User People say that you're too easygoing about your own flaws, but you'll learn to live with that.

@mindstruggle Shhh. Ignore the skeptics. Let your heart guide you to the promise land of whatever it was I told you.

@CountScrofula ayt! I like your readings, tho. 😌

@Bootsiebaby My horoscope for you promised a bunch of man-eating clowns. I promise nobody in this thread believes that I am actually a fortune teller; I'm just being silly. Don't blame me for my poor behaviour. I'm Scorpio rising.

@Mamapolo2016 You'll walk into a Bangkok brothel right between a dead politician and a sack full of cash. But unfortunately it's all easily explained and cleared up in a few minutes.

@SW-User Reserve your energy. You will find yourself without the energy to comply with basic requests this week such as "chill out" and "get jiggy with it".

@CountScrofula lmao!! I can't chill 😁

@SweetMae You'll be chased out of Nashville with pitchforks and torches when, despite being strongly told otherwise, you let your babies grow up to be cowboys.

@CountScrofula He just bought the hat this weekend.

@MellyMel22 People keep saying you can't make your problems go away with a chainsaw. Although they're right, it is true that you'll never have the same problem twice.

@CountScrofula [i][c=#BF0080]Ya know.. You're p-r-e-t-t-y p-r-e-t-t-y good at this! [/c][/i]

@Fernie We regret to inform you that your Zodiac sign (TAURUS) is unavailable for this week. In absence of your horoscope, please assume that you will have a torrid love affair or fall out of a blimp or something.

@CountScrofula I'm not surprised...last night after my crab rangoons..I cracked open a fortune cookie and it said " Bad luck and extreme misfortune will haunt your pathetic soul for all eternity"...I'm sensing a theme

@CountScrofula haha! Yes! But will you use your powers for good or evil!?

@CallmeHopelessNotRomantic Oh. I mean. Evil. Surely.

@CountScrofula because using them for good wouldn't be as much fun. Obviously!

@CountScrofula can I have another one 🤓

@Miklee02 You thought a life of wild adventure, crossing the savanna by foot, and epic cookouts involving great cats awaited you. Turns out the local Applebees was not actually advertising for a "Lion Cook".

@CountScrofula 😅💜

@Bootsiebaby I don't. I'm making this all up. I thought we talked about this ;)

@Bootsiebaby Sometimes we find unbelievable things when we least suspect them. Love, adventure, or, in your case, a horde of man-eating clowns.

@revenant just read mine

@SW-User As a Taurean you are brooding emotion incarnate, and probably want to be God. Unfortunately God is an Aries.

@SW-User Be emboldened by the fact that right now, just hundreds of miles from your location some of the greatest minds in the world are going to change the way you think about false eyelashes.

@CountScrofula 😮

@LaLumieri If you think that short-lived popularity you had in high school for eating that family-sized hoagie will get you ahead in life, then you are absolutely correct.

@SW-User Fate is going to give you a lot to do next week. So you'd better do [i]exactly[/i] as you are told or Fate is going to start killing the hostages.

@CountScrofula bwahahahaha okay 😂

@Burnley123 You're not the sort of person to let a physical handicap stop you. This is largely because you prey on people who are short on limbs, you sick fuck.

@CountScrofula 🤣

@HipYoungDude Your spiritual ascension will be embarrassingly cut short when you realize that you've been having mutt secks all these years.

@HipYoungDude 😇

@SW-User I was hoping you'd tell me.

@CountScrofula I suppose if either of us suffered from it, we'd know.

@SW-User it sounds very painful

@SW-User You will fall into a pattern of wanton self-destruction when you realize how awesome that kind of stuff is.

@CountScrofula 🤔 I like where this is going...

Aquarius

@mindstruggle Thanks, I'd be googling the shit out of that.

@SW-User Efficiency is all well and good, but the warlord is right to point out that from now on, pillage THEN burn.

@caccoon Good news - for the next week no laws will apply to you. Unfortunately this may be a real pain because you're pretty used to Newton's third law.

@CountScrofula XD These are great. Thank you, sir.

@bijouxbroussard While the lifelong pursuit of learning should be your guiding principle in life, the guy at the Library is going to knock an eye loose with a well-aimed copy of Ulysses if you don't stop bothering him.

@CountScrofula
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@marcusaurelius Often it may feel that everything you do is too hard and doomed for failure. Don't give up - those feelings have to be wrong. Eventually.