How do you react when you find out your friends are talking about you behind your back?

I usually walk right up to them and ask why .

Depends upon the friend, how close we are, and how I feel about them. If it's an acquaintance type friend, I generally don't interact with them anymore. There's no point in creating an argument. They've shown me who they are and they aren't people that are worth my time. If it's a close friend, it's a huge rarity for that to happen, and it does get discussed. In the end, I feel a trust has been violated and I wind up keeping them at arms length, lessening my interactions with them. I believe it shows me that they don't feel about me the way I feel about them.

Friends?? They’d be history 😊

Been there.....

I keep quiet..

I wait for the right moment to discuss it with them and I leave them forever...

I do not have friends and i do not have to worry

I ask them about it, without automatically assuming they are. Too many back-biters stir up stuff this way, and I have lost some great friends because they didn't even bother to get my side of the story.

People are always talking behind our backs,assuming back talk/back biting has no place. One cannot considered a "friend" if he or she backbiting behind my back.

They won't be in friends list anymore.

I let them know that I know. If anyone has anything negative to say about me they can tell me to my face.

I just stay quiet and live my life . Their gossip doesn't bother me at all .

I cut them out of my life, because they've proven they're not friends.

It would depend on what they were talking about! And...who told me...

I've always been a loudmouth. I can't really resist calling out shit like that. I will say this: not one single time has calling out friends for stuff like that ended well, for me. Serious talks never benefit; anger especially never benefits a conversation. I learned hard. It has to be--to maintain relationships--fun or lighthearted. So, you can joke or manipulate basically, and people much more appreciate this than straight up face-to-face "heavy" or "serious" arguments.

Even if you're right. Rightness means nothing. Emotions mean everything. How are they feeling; and, how can you make them feel? This isn't so much manipulating as it is creating the ideal conditions to enhance your human relationships, like Chris Voss would put it. Tactical empathy is a technique for enhancing your relationships and getting what you want, as well.

Over time, I've learned it's much more important to be subtle, most of the time.

First, I'd determine whether or not you want to stay friends. Do they ultimately benefit you? If not, that's easy. Fuck 'em and find new friends.

However.

I found, in myself, the desire for these perfect sorts of "loyal" friends, as I considered myself to be. A wolf pack, rather than a human bond. Loyalty is a very romantic idea, but it's ultimately very flawed. It's possible, say, if you endure extreme hardship with individuals--but, to my mind, that seems to be the only condition where nearly unbreakable bonds are formed: when you nearly die together and have to cooperate to survive. Parents, family, blood, all that means very little.

Could you find people who have more integrity? Absolutely. That's a real possibility. Would it be good for you to do so? Most likely. Is it tenable?

If not, you can't change other people. They're going to be the way they are. However, you can change your reaction to it. Reframe it as a benefit--even if it's just mental toughness--if you have determined you are better with them than without them.

So, I'd say do it like a monkey. Swing to the next branch, but don't let go of the one you're holding until you've got a firm grasp on the next branch. Or, reframe the gossiping as a benefit, if you have no other options.

I stay quiet. Forever. Lol. 👻

I ask them why, if someone told me I also consider the source. Either way I get to the bottom of it. Once the trust is broken there isn't much of a friendship anymore. 😒

I confront them . It’s only happened a couple times . But they are no longer my friends and completely out of my life

Eh depends on the context. If I find out it’s anything bad they quickly become an ex-friend.

I think the nature of the conversation is what's important ...

Stay quiet. I know their intention and I just let them walk away forgetting me sooner.

I'm tired to confront petty things like this. Unless... they are plotting something behind me. I would make my move.

As long as I don't know about it or hear about it then I'm fine. I don't take it personal I know hateful people are everywhere nothing I can do about it.. can't fight them all

Honestly, depends on the circumstances. Years ago, when I was going through a deep depression, a couple of of them got together and called my mother before the three of them came to my home.

I won't talk to them. If a person feels not good about me then probably I am not in.

This has happened on SW and I've confronted and blocked.

In real, I just fade out of their lives, stop doing things with them, take forever to reply until they give up on me.

I mostly distance myself from them

Usually just brood.

i don't care. they can do whatever they want. but if i find out i'm cutting them off

I wonder why they’re so bored

The guys I hang with will just say it to your face. No one makes a point of that “behind the back” stuff, perhaps a little chatter but nothing more.

I used to stay quiet but drop hints every now and then.
I was also a facebook drama queen who would throw shade on those "friends" and watch their confused whispers transpire and the next day the whole goddam class would be gossiping about THEM lololol I used to be petty.

Confront the hell out of them

They become "not" friends

Naww I just say while your back there could you scratch my itch. 😂

I kick their ass and say what did you just say about me