I Hate Arguing And Fighting
He drinks too much..he knows this, but he insists he is handling it alone. He isn't though, he's falling deeper into it. Ho long do you watch a person lie to themselves before having to step away for your own sanity?
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DontMindMe · 31-35, M
If he won't get help... Get help alone. There are plenty of people who go to AA and alanon??? Idk if I spell that right. They go alone to help their loved ones.
Idk you... So please don't take this next thing the wrong way... But u might be codependent .. it's possible... But idk.. sooo
Idk you... So please don't take this next thing the wrong way... But u might be codependent .. it's possible... But idk.. sooo
ZenKitzune · F
@DontMindMe that's a big thing to say to a person you don't know.
DontMindMe · 31-35, M
I understand that. But living and loving someone in their desease is a hard thing to do.
I don't mean to be rude.. I know I am..
Really it's the things the program teaches.
I'm not 100% behind the program myself, but I've seen it work to many times to not vouch for it.
If u r serious about him. Try it I guess, if it doesn't work, walk away. The worst thing that could happen is u learn a little about that world.. the best thing u help him. And maybe u learn a little about yourself along the way.
But again... I'm probably being really direct and kinda out of line.
I don't mean to be rude.. I know I am..
Really it's the things the program teaches.
I'm not 100% behind the program myself, but I've seen it work to many times to not vouch for it.
If u r serious about him. Try it I guess, if it doesn't work, walk away. The worst thing that could happen is u learn a little about that world.. the best thing u help him. And maybe u learn a little about yourself along the way.
But again... I'm probably being really direct and kinda out of line.
ZenKitzune · F
@DontMindMe I'm asking him to start going to AA but he makes excuses about time and energy etc etc. I don't think there's much else I can do.
DontMindMe · 31-35, M
Like I said... There are plenty of people who go to AA about their loved ones and to alanon..
Lead by example type of thing...
Give it a try... Just for an hour.. u don't have to talk... Just listen... If u feel like sharing ur experiences on your side, do it.
The best listeners are addicts.
I've seen it done and I've seen it work.
It's just as hard for u to go as it is for him to go.
I know it seems fucked up.. like u shouldn't have to fix his problems and put in the work for him. I know it's not your fault and its not u continuing the problem...
But if u are serious.. help him however u can.. and doing that has helped others.
If u can't, and he won't... Then leaving is probably the best thing u can do.
But everyone is different.
Lead by example type of thing...
Give it a try... Just for an hour.. u don't have to talk... Just listen... If u feel like sharing ur experiences on your side, do it.
The best listeners are addicts.
I've seen it done and I've seen it work.
It's just as hard for u to go as it is for him to go.
I know it seems fucked up.. like u shouldn't have to fix his problems and put in the work for him. I know it's not your fault and its not u continuing the problem...
But if u are serious.. help him however u can.. and doing that has helped others.
If u can't, and he won't... Then leaving is probably the best thing u can do.
But everyone is different.
ZenKitzune · F
@DontMindMe I'm serious but as you can see I'm trying to get some perspective here...I want to help but everyone is telling me to just leave it.
I wonder if they would all walk away so easily if it was a person they loved.
I've been studying addiction in an effort to find a way to help him best..but I am stuck at this hurdle of him refusing to admit that he needs help..not that he has a problem, but just that he needs some kind of outside help to quit.
I wonder if they would all walk away so easily if it was a person they loved.
I've been studying addiction in an effort to find a way to help him best..but I am stuck at this hurdle of him refusing to admit that he needs help..not that he has a problem, but just that he needs some kind of outside help to quit.
DontMindMe · 31-35, M
I understand and u are 100% correct.
It's one of the hardest things to watch happen to a loved one.
U still see all the good in him.
I've seen kids come in place of their parents; sometimes even both parents.
Sometimes, u can't just leave the problem and block it out of your life.
If you are already researching and trying to find ways to help him... Trying aa or Al-Anon (I think I finally got it) yourself will only help u learn more about addiction and recovery... First hand sources... They r all addicts.. every one of them. Most are willing to share.
Most meetings are only an hour. They try to make it as painless as possible.
I've nv been to a meeting that forced me to share. I've nv been to a meeting that singled me out.
I can't make u do anything, but try it... For his sake.
U don't have to keep trying it but
"Keep coming back; it works if you work it"
It's one of the hardest things to watch happen to a loved one.
U still see all the good in him.
I've seen kids come in place of their parents; sometimes even both parents.
Sometimes, u can't just leave the problem and block it out of your life.
If you are already researching and trying to find ways to help him... Trying aa or Al-Anon (I think I finally got it) yourself will only help u learn more about addiction and recovery... First hand sources... They r all addicts.. every one of them. Most are willing to share.
Most meetings are only an hour. They try to make it as painless as possible.
I've nv been to a meeting that forced me to share. I've nv been to a meeting that singled me out.
I can't make u do anything, but try it... For his sake.
U don't have to keep trying it but
"Keep coming back; it works if you work it"
ZenKitzune · F
@DontMindMe Thank you, that's helpful advice and it's nice that you know that not everything is black and white.
DontMindMe · 31-35, M