I Am Seeking Inner Peace

I didn't feel that"chemistry" with that lovely man,even though he was so good to me and boosted my self esteem as never before,sadly the "chemistry" I felt was with the one I chose as a partner and who abused me for 7 years and left me emotionally shattered.Looking back I realise that what we mistake for "love" is often just lust or strong physical attraction.Love is a different thing altogether it is built on mutual respect and wanting what is best for the person we share our life with,love builds up and eventuates when the right ingredients are there,it never grows from a basis of abuse,control and selfishness.

So very true!!!

At some point in our life there is always the thought of the "one that got away". Maybe at the time we were to young ie stupid to realize that this was a good person to be with. The infamous Oh he is just to nice. Now from experience we learn that OPPPPsSS.. that is the one we should have picked.
The bigger challenge now is to learn as an adult and maturing which partner is the correct one for you.
A partner should worship the ground you walk on as you should for them also. In a healthy way though.
Also, you need to have confidence in yourself. Relying on someone else to make you feel good about yourself is going to be destructive.

What you say makes a lot of sense.When we are young we are not so much stupid as unexperienced about life and its pitfalls and we have our heads full of false notions about what "love" is supposed to be.Sadly sometimes our choices are dictated by a false sense of self like a low self esteem,I come from an abusive family and being treated well by someone did not seem "right" to me somehow, it was not what I was used to,this is why a lot of women(and men) coming from abusive backgrounds tend to fall back into abusive relationships with partners,this is what they are used to,they have not been taught boundaries,they will accept any crappy treatment as the norm and feel uncomfortable when someone show them respect as they do not feel they deserve it.

You personally need to take the time to realize that you do deserve it. You do not need another person to make you whole or even to make you a good person.
Abuse is a way of controlling someone because the controller has low self-esteem. When you think more of yourself and what all of us really deserve then you can find inner peace. Until that peace is reached you will not find happiness.

p.s.. crap is crap. ie it gets tossed out or flushed.

I see what you are getting at and I entirely agree that you do not need another person to make you whole,but being in an abusive relationship whether the abuser has low self esteem or not, will traumatise you and prevent you achieving that state of mind.

Could not agree more.