There’s a woman at work we call Two Shits.

She will force her way into any conversation with one-up remarks that are mostly blatant lies . If you have a special interest, she already an expert. If you’ve been somewhere for a holiday, she lived there once. If you bought a fast car, she’s got a faster one. If you made a cake, she made a bigger one. If you’ve met a celebrity, she’s dated them.

If you’ve had one shit, she’s had two… “Two shits”