Guilty On A Bailout

Boss man pulled me aside today. He is going to put a bonus on the next check to cover quite a bit of the cost to New York. I'm ashamed for not pushing back harder. But I knew I wouldn't win. I was so frazzled, I forgot again to tell him how sorry I was that his friend had ghosted him. They flaked out on both of us. And he is telling me about the company covering those costs for me, just because the trip didn't work out, the day I'm bringing in his card I got for an award for him being an exemplary industry leader. I had written in the card, "it's a different life working in a restaurant where the chefs care about the cook's growth as such as the cook." Because it truly is. The alternative is not a pleasant experience.
I need to be able to trust him more. I see this all could be about to turn into now the only time we interact is when he knows/feels/assumes I need something I'm unable to obtain by myself. And I know that is the definition or whatever of a mentor. Sometimes trying my very best at work doesn't feel like repayment enough. He is so kind, and it's hard to always believe it. It's hard to always trust his care. When I try to really think about that, it feels very silly to feel that way. It feels silly to be so ashamed.