I Have Gone Through Menopause

We had a love life that would have made Linda Lovelace blush. When my wife reached her late forties, slowly, inexorably things began to change. Menopause. Now after seven years, we almost never have sex, and even then she's not really into it, and it's no more than a quick grope, late at night, when we've been drinking.

She won't talk about it, and refuses to go to the doctor. A woman doctor mentioned to her that hormone treatment can be dangerous, so she won't consider medical intervention. She says that I could not love her if I'm prepared to ask her to endanger her health, just to satisfy my sexual appetites. She says that sex hurts her, and I'm sure that it does, but she won't enquire about better quality lubricants. The truth is that she has totally lost interest since the change in life.

She tells me that it's all I ever think about, and I reply that the poor think only of money, the thirsty of water and the hungry of food. Besides, she knows that it's not sex, it's the passion, energy, communion that I miss. It's what we had in our sex lives.

She had a really good body, and now she has put on weight, particularly around the waist, which is in itself a health risk. The gym is boring, she says. She used to dress well and mind her appearance, now she wears black tights and brown pullovers. Her underwear would have been rejected by Queen Victoria.

The hot flushes have pretty well stopped now, but she is still cross, dowdy and asexual. I try to be enthusiastic and fun, but everything I say or do is answered with negative begrudgery.

Has anyone, particularly a woman who has been through it, got any suggestions? I miss our marriage so much!