I Have Gone Through Menopause

We had a love life that would have made Linda Lovelace blush. When my wife reached her late forties, slowly, inexorably things began to change. Menopause. Now after seven years, we almost never have sex, and even then she's not really into it, and it's no more than a quick grope, late at night, when we've been drinking.

She won't talk about it, and refuses to go to the doctor. A woman doctor mentioned to her that hormone treatment can be dangerous, so she won't consider medical intervention. She says that I could not love her if I'm prepared to ask her to endanger her health, just to satisfy my sexual appetites. She says that sex hurts her, and I'm sure that it does, but she won't enquire about better quality lubricants. The truth is that she has totally lost interest since the change in life.

She tells me that it's all I ever think about, and I reply that the poor think only of money, the thirsty of water and the hungry of food. Besides, she knows that it's not sex, it's the passion, energy, communion that I miss. It's what we had in our sex lives.

She had a really good body, and now she has put on weight, particularly around the waist, which is in itself a health risk. The gym is boring, she says. She used to dress well and mind her appearance, now she wears black tights and brown pullovers. Her underwear would have been rejected by Queen Victoria.

The hot flushes have pretty well stopped now, but she is still cross, dowdy and asexual. I try to be enthusiastic and fun, but everything I say or do is answered with negative begrudgery.

Has anyone, particularly a woman who has been through it, got any suggestions? I miss our marriage so much!

Thanks lonesurvivor - the older I get the more I am sure that most problems are not gender ba<x>sed, but human being ba<x>sed. You are a victim twice of the menopause - but you were not the refuser. I went through it with my first wife, early, undiagnosed, extended menopause, and after the breakup, a few years' bliss, and I was in it again.

Which does not deal with the problem of how I (or you) are going to enjoy the remaining ten or so active years of life. I'm still energetic, fit and dare I say it randy, but it's not easy to find even a casual relationship in the mountains of the west of Ireland. I made a pass at he local publican's fifty year old daughter, and the parish hasn't stopped talking about it for months. I didn't even touch her!

If it was like Bligh's south seas it wouldn't make much difference, in your mid sixties it's not very easy to jump ship, Younger men with money have all the advantages. I suppose that the solution is to give in gracefully, accept fate and write off the last quarter of the allotted span.

I have had them both. I started my period at 10 years old. 7 days of cramping it was terrible. I could only get in the fetal position and beg my mother to take it out.I had kids and nothing changed. Still 7 days and the cramping. I was convince that I was cursed. Well here I am now in full blown menopause and between the hot flashes night sweats and my emotions I would rather have the 7 days of cramping in the fetal position. The only good thing I experience about menopause my sex drive is higher than ever, and I heard so many stories about menopause about how my desire was going to change, that scared me the most. The talks about being dry and having no desire. Well thank God it was not my case. Nothing change but I think my desire has increase so much more. I do not want this menopause at all.

I was blessed. I was diagnosed with cancer, caught early and had a hysterectomy at 40 I went through menopause in one day. I have never had a hot flash. Probably a good thing or I would have choked Mewold out.

They're a little tough to put up with, but eons easier than the periods I was cursed with!!!

Penny Webb

Thanks for the tip, but thankfully, menopause is mostly over for me....only sporadic hot flashes now!!

:-)