I Have a Weird Sense of Humor

A man received message from his neighbor.. Sorry sir I am using your wife. I am using day and night, I am using when you are not present at home, Infact I am using more than YOU are using, I confess this because now I feel very much guilty, Hope You will accept my sincere apologies!! Man went home and had a big fight with his wife. Few minutes later he received another message… Sorry Sir spelling mistake… it’s not wife but wifi !!

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Lovetotouch

One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on
the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's
your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll
help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife
would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive.... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I
thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going
to be really upset."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, "She won't know
anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!" I said....