I failed again, kind of?

Well, I posted earlier about beginning a prolonged fast today. That story is here.

https://similarworlds.com/weight-loss/5340112-Fasting-for-health-with-ADHD-Prolonged-fasting-is-something

As usual, I didn't make it. I was watching TV and I couldn't get my mind off eating. So, I asked my family to remind me why I was doing this fast, but apparently, I forgot to tell them why I was fasting. Thank you, ADHD.. So, I decided to eat. :-(

It was funny this time, though. Instead of that warm happy feeling I get when I eat, my tummy hurt. I was sitting there with a small plate of one piece of chicken and a tablespoon of potato salad, and I pulled the skin off the chicken( my favorite part) and my stomach cramp so hard and wave after wave of nausea washed over me. I moaned with pain, but as any food addict will tell you it would take more than that to stop me. So, I went ahead and pushed through that, but I was only able to finish half a piece. I was in pain the whole time, but couldn't stop. I turned my attention to the potato salad, and the pain let up a little. After this, I had 10-15 pieces of dry popcorn.

The self-hatred began pounding down on me like the rain from a hurricane. All my mind could remember was every hateful thing I had ever said about myself. Tears ran down my face. I am so tired of failing to complete a fast. I know I can do this.I have done it so many times before, but now I just keep failing.

Then I remembered the video I watched a couple of days ago, called "Healing Through Food Issues and Eating Disorders." You can find that here...

https://similarworlds.com/diet-food-drink/eating-disorder/5338633-I-have-struggled-with-emotional-eating-all-my-life

So, I tried coming at this setback with a mind geared towards self-love instead of self-hate.... I realized that I had made 24 hours fasting. I acknowledged that I had only eaten a small amount. I thought about how the eating window was only 30 minutes, and then I started fasting again. Instead of having a first breakfast, second breakfast, first lunch, afternoon snack, first supper and second supper. Yes, sadly, this is my normal.

So, I gave myself a little tiny bit of credit and prayed for more strength. I am still sad, but I will try to do better from here on out. That is really all I can do at this point.😞



[media=https://youtu.be/JVfI1b2aK64]

UPDATE- I have decided to turn this failure into a win. I succeeded at intermittent fasting yesterday, so this is my new plan. I will eat once a day for 30 minutes. Seems simple enough. I guess I will see. :-)