new default weight

my weight stays around 48 kg. it used to be 55-56 kg. then i consciously chose to eat less to lose weight. now i don't have to think about it. food has lost some of its appeal to me. i have this ill feeling. it makes me lose my appetite, my desire to interact with the world around me. it makes me want to shut off so completely i won't have a reason to entertain a single thought. it makes me want to vomit.

there are fewer reasons to smile, even fewer reasons to laugh. food brings me little joy. i cannot be consoled.