I’m having far too many dreams of me being lost in malls.

And by far too many, I mean two. But this time I was being arrested because I walked down this hallway that was actually a shop and little tiny magnets…one being a cat, others being little picturesque squares, but many being pictures of severed heads the size of my Lexapro pills…and they were all magnetized to me. When I was taking them off of me and separating them to put them on a display table, the staff of entitled employees instantly accused me of theft, making me feel stupid. I laid one of the ladies out so hard that the other two immediately backed off.

Oh. And that was after I completely demolished the NW wing of a medical facility because rowdy teenagers wouldn’t stay off my property.

But anyway, the mall. I finally found one of the many exits and called my husband to see where we parked the car so I could wait in it while he rode the carousel, but when he answered I clearly interrupted him talking to a group of giggly chicks and he said the East parking lot. I hung up and just walked as the sunshine warmed my skin and I no longer cared about being lost.

Jesus. Can’t I just have some kind of Disney-like dreams or even ones where some attractive burly dude sexes me up nice and right? 😒