Why should we be polite to people who destroy our lives?

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. When someone destroys your life, politeness feels like the last thing you owe them.
For me, politeness isn’t for them. It’s for me. It keeps bitterness from destroying me too. Jesus said “bless those who hurt you” not because they deserve it, but because He wants to keep our hearts in peace and free. Matthew 5:44

To your other questions — you’re touching something really deep. Past trauma and low self-worth can make chaos feel like home. If we grew up with instability, sometimes a loud, reckless, authoritarian voice feels familiar, even “strong.” It’s not logic. It’s our wounded places looking for someone to finally be in control, even if that control hurts. That’s why so many people are drawn to personalities like that. It’s not about policy. It’s about “who will fix this and make me feel safe.”

And yes. I was abused years ago, and used to feel I had to prove who I am when all I wanted was to be understood. It’s exhausting. Trust, for me, is built when words match actions over time. When someone is the same person in private that they are in public. When they can say “I was wrong.” That’s rare, and it’s worth the effort.

You’re asking the right questions. That means your heart is still looking for real connection, not just noise. I’m praying you find people who see you. God who already does ♥🫂

Trust for me is earned and modeled before me. If you say you're going to do something, I trust you will until you show me otherwise. If you say you're going to somewhere by yourself or with XYZ I believe that's true. If I start to see discrepancy your trustworthiness diminishes and ratter quickly if it's an all out lie.