Can you ever truly see a person's physical appearance without your feelings for them getting in the way?

If your life was a book and someone else was reading it, at what chapter would they start feeling sorry for you—not because of your struggles, but because of the time you wasted trying to please a world that doesn't even know your name?
How do I break the trauma bond? I still miss my abusive ex, and I don’t know what to do. Can they change if I go back?