Is it better to be with someone who matches your level of independence or clinginess, and how do you figure that out?

How come whenever I talk to people I overthink everything (how I look, speak, what I say, and how they’ll react)? How do I stop because I can’t connect with them and start being awkward?
Why does our President seem to care more about one political activist being killed than school children being killed? He issued a statement for Charlie Kirk, but nothing about the school in Colorado. How can this be defended?