If you have adults like these in your life, what have those relationships meant to you as you’ve navigated childhood and adolescence?
Do you have aunts, uncles, grandparents, godparents, family friends, coaches, teachers or other adults who aren’t your parents but have played an important role in your life?
Perhaps they are the people who have babysat you, offered you guidance or attended your sports games, school plays and music recitals. Maybe they have been people you knew you could go to if you ever needed a sympathetic ear.
If not, are these relationships you wish you had in your life?
In the guest essay “I Love the Kids in My Life. And I’m Raising None of Them,” Glynnis MacNicol, who is not a parent, writes about the joys of taking part in the lives of other people’s children:
Most of the kids in my life, I have known since birth. In more than a few cases, I was present at the discovery that there was a child to be expected. Or I was the person on call to wait with a child while her sibling made an entrance. Many are children I have cared for in various stages of their life: I’ve changed countless diapers and dispensed endless bottles; I’ve given baths; I’ve been the emergency pickup contact at school. Several of these kids have vomited on me. I’m in a number of wills as the person these children will come to if, God forbid, something happens to their parents. For some, all of the above apply.
Since June, I’ve spent time variously spooning avocado into a toddler’s mouth and answering questions about what it’s like to get your period. I’ve been taught new card games. I balanced myself in the surf as a 6-year-old clung to me screaming with joy, trusting me not to let go. I attended a children’s performance of “The Little Mermaid” starring one 9-year-old who, as a 9-week-old, I held in my arms while I did an interview for my first book. Summer concluded with my driving a bunch of teens and preteens to one of their many sporting events while I cajoled them to look up from their phones once in a while and talk to me.
It has been a delight. And the experiences I’ve described are, I believe, fairly common among people who take part in the lives of children without raising their own. Yet it is simply not an experience I see reflected back to me in culture.
It’s difficult to understand why we are so parsimonious with our ideas of both a child’s capacity to love and an adult’s capacity to love children she is not parenting. Of course children benefit from being loved — the more, the better. But the reverse is also true. It is humbling to be loved by children and to be seen by them. They ground you in the day-to-day like nothing else. They don’t pull punches. They are a reminder of how quickly time passes (and, sometimes, in the case of small children, how slowly). They are not impressed with worldly accomplishments.
As they age, they see different parts of you, parts perhaps you are not so keen to see yourself — “Why do you have a hair on your chin?” “Instagram is for boomers.” And yet, what an astounding privilege it is to be present for the entirety of a person’s life thus far. To be a witness. To invest in children’s well-being in even the smallest ways. And through watching them grow, to have a better understanding of yourself and, by extension, of the world. Indeed, having children in your life outside of parenthood can sometimes feel like being a time traveler; I get to see the world through the eyes of children at so many different ages and experiences. It is a continual lesson in compassion.
My students, read the entire essay and then tell me:
Do you have people in your life like Ms. MacNicol? Are there adults who are not your parents who have helped raise you? If so, tell us about one of them. What role has this person played in your life? Do any of the descriptions or observations in the essay remind you of that relationship?
What have you learned about life or otherwise gained from the nonparental figures in your life? What do you think they have learned and gained from you?
If you don’t have relationships with adults who aren’t your parents, do you wish you did? Or do you feel that you have enough support from the people around you already?
Are you the older, nonparental figure to any children in your own life? This could be younger siblings, cousins or children that you coach or babysit. If so, what do those relationships bring to your life?
Ms. MacNicol describes these types of intergenerational relationships as “transformative.” Would you agree? Why or why not?
The essay references a recent Pew Research Center study that reported “64 percent of women under 50 who don’t have children say they ‘just don’t want to.’” Does this statistic surprise you? Do you think you will want to have children someday? Why or why not?
Here's my personal take on this question: The statistic as a whole doesn't surprise me, but the age range being up to 50 surprises me. I don’t think that I’ll want to have children at all. There was a time in my life when I wanted kids, but now that I’ve grown up more and gotten to experience life, I don’t want to put a child through that. I also feel that it’s not an opportune time to have a child and I don’t feel like that will change in the next years, but that it will only get worse. There have also been children in my life who’ve changed my mind about having kids, and having even one child would be a huge responsibility in every way, and that’s not something that I’m willing to take on. I majorly agree with the author that you don’t need to be a parent to have an important role in a child’s life. I’m more than willing to take on that role of being an important non-parental role in a child’s life. In life there will be times that some people will have a huge impact on our life and that are playing a role like a parent to us. I find this relationship intergenerational and I would agree that these are transformative. I would agree because these intergenerational relationships can really make a difference in the child or children's life since there are parents who are able to give their love for their child. And yet the child would probably find that love somewhere else and someone who’d make an impact and even act as the parental figure.
My parents are good ones. They’ve always been there for me which I know isn’t always the case for others. They’ve sacrificed a lot for me by coming from West Africa to the US. My dad had to endure going to University while working sleepless nights at the automobile factory. My mother dealt with not knowing a single word of English when she first arrived; All this so I could have a decent lifestyle and the fact that maybe the toil they endured as immigrants might one day be rewarded with my happiness. Even after their divorce, my parents are still on friendly terms because in their words, “How could we hate each other when we both created you?”. Nothing short of amazing, their support is what motivates me to succeed. But as I grew older I noticed that other adults didn’t influence me much. Usually, they were acquaintances to one or both of my parents who were always friendly but never exactly close. Camp Counselors, Coaches, and Distant family were a staple in my life but were never woven in with a stitch. In my classes, I probably haven’t been a favorite student since Mr. Rector's class in fourth grade. It seems like with every adult in my life sure they leave a mark but it’s never etched in with ink. But I believe your relationships depend on who you are as a person, we can’t all fit into the same boxes after all. I’m confident about the great relationship I’ve nurtured with my parents so I find that that mark has instead been etched in with love.
I would agree that these relationships are transformative. These relationships affect the lives of the adults more than the lives of the children because the children are already getting the love they need. But on the other hand, these adults don’t have children of their own to learn and grow from. These relationships have a transformative effect on the adults because it can help them to know what it’s like to share love and to truly want what is best for someone. It helps teach them how to unselfishly be there to support someone who truly needs it. It also helps them to learn how to talk to people who are growing, learning, and developing and to watch what they say because children truly do care about the opinions and thoughts of the people they love and care about. These relationships are truly transformative to the adults and can help to make them better, stronger, and more selfless people.
While I haven't had many important adult figures, I am an older important figure to my siblings. My 4 younger siblings and I have a 7+ year age difference, the highest being 16 years. I have always had a maternal personality, so when I had younger siblings, it felt like they were my own. Loving them and taking care of them came naturally to me. I’ve taken part in raising them, teaching them languages, helping with homework, giving advice, and have been called "mami" on several occasions. I adore my relationship with my siblings, we are always friends, but some part of it also prepares me for the day I want to have kids on my own. I feel like a young kid when I hang out with them but also like an important guide who is worthy of their love, which brings me so much joy.
I have been that older figure for my cousin who was only a few years younger than me, but I always provided for her when my aunt couldn’t. This relationship gave me a sense of patience and caring for others. It takes a lot of time and self-evaluation to take care of another person and you question if you’re doing it right. So, not only do you need patience with other people, but you also need patience with yourself. On the opposite end though, love yourself and be kind to yourself. Being human means making mistakes. Taking care of children may seem scary because you're looking to be perfect when in reality they need you to just be there and to be loved. Having grace for yourself and others is really what I learned.
My grandmother is a person in my life who is like Ms. MacNicol. When I was around 2 or 3 years old, my mom had broken up with my dad. During this time, my mom was still in college and had a job, so she wasn’t able to fully take care of me. Because of this situation, my grandmother made sacrifices so that she could take care of me. If it weren’t for her, I may not be as developed as I am today because she helped me read, do schoolwork, get ready in the morning, and prepare for bed. She managed to do all of these things and more while balancing her fulltime job. Even now that my mom is married and no longer in school, I still see my grandma as a parental figure. Some descriptions and observations in the essay that remind me of my relationship with my grandmother include her taking me to various events, feeding me meals, and picking me up from school for appointments.
There have been many different adults in my life like my mom's high school and college best friend Sage. She grew up with my mom, was my neighbor and her daughter is 1 year younger than me. With them being so close we were always invited to family gatherings, Christmas, picked me up from school when my mom couldn’t, did my hair, I slept at her house and many more things. I relate to this article because I experienced many different scenarios that were described. She has changed my diaper, been an emergency contact and even I even went to her wedding which was a big part in her life. While our parents do almost everything for their children, I believe it is essential to keep good relationships with people other than your partners. Emphasizing these relationships can help mature a person, or even have someone to reach out for in times of need. A Parent's job is to provide and raise their children to be the best version of themselves, sometimes they need help and having a person that you can turn to when your parents don’t have all the answers at the ready. Personally, my coaches are those people who I can turn to. My previous club coach helped me a lot in just knowing who I am as a player and she urges me to continue to play and instills a lot of faith in my abilities which always helped me. Another great example of these influential adults are grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. The majority of my cousins are older than me and I often find myself reaching out for advice on almost anything, especially college. Having an adult besides your parents can help create many perspectives on what you should do in life, again increasing your maturity levels.
I have multiple important people in my life that are not my parents, friends and family alike. I even like to call close friends framliy. I think it very important to have friends and family that your close with, specially if something bad were to happen to your parents. Me, personally am very close with my grandparents, especially with my Grammie- which we read almost everyday on FaceTime and usually visit once a week. I have never thought about having children and am currently undecided, but I do understand people who don’t- as children take a lot of work to raise. But I think it’s nice as special people can bring happiness into your life.
I have a lot of people that I trust, and I value their friendship and support immensely. Matin Madadkar is one of them, and we have been friends for a little over a year. He has played a significant role in my life, both in terms of basketball and personal growth. I met Matin at the gym, and he took me under his wing, ensuring that I had a good year and that nobody messed with me. His guidance and support have been invaluable to me. Another friend I trust is Max Zylicz, who moved from Poland to the US when he was 18. Despite being soft-spoken, Max and I became friends as we were both new to the school. He looked out for me, and I have fond memories of spending time with him, like the time we celebrated a big win against our rival school La Costa Canyon by playing NBA2k at his house. Dylan Kail, the varsity basketball star and team captain, has also been a great friend. As my first friend at the school, he coached me, taught me how to run plays, and included me with his senior friends, which meant a lot to me as a freshman. Last but not least, there's Trent Suzuki, a basketball coach, speed coach, and life coach. Trent has been an incredible mentor, teaching me how to be mentally tough and introducing me to the other friends I mentioned earlier. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but Trent has always been there for me and someone I can turn to for help and advice. The adults in my life aside from my parents are family, like my grandma and grandpa, or friends of my parents. In my younger years, teachers were the closest thing I had to a social circle all throughout elementary and middle school. There’s a disconnect though, because I am a child, and they are an adult. I have learned to be careful not to take myself too seriously. “That’s nice, kid,” is an all too familiar phrase. I don’t know what the world will look like by the time I’m old enough to be thinking about children. But right now, it scares and upsets me and I suspect that feeling will not go away for a while. The advice I got during as a child came from adults, adults in this case meaning parents, sometimes teachers, mostly authors. If adults talk to you, they ask about grades. They go back to their drinks, talking about politics. You talk about politics. That’s nice, they say, and go back to their drinks. Books take you seriously. There are worlds where I could be something besides a child. Even now, I scold myself in my head. I’m barely even 16, I think, why do you take yourself so seriously? Some other part of me thinks, because I am serious. I want to be understood like adults are. I am a child when it is convenient to adults and an adult when it is expected. I am aware enough to hear that child in me, begging to be listened to. The serious part of me, the part of me that keeps the shame tucked neatly inside says, “That’s nice,” and goes back to reading fiction.
I have two younger siblings in my life and maybe sometimes I think that I don’t want them to be here, but I really do love them. I get to babysit them and all of the joy that comes with having to call parents multiple times so they will hopefully stop crying. It makes you look back and think, was I like that? How could my babysitters ever live through this? But of course it isn’t all bad. The times where somehow everyone agrees on a game to play, sit down and watch a movie, or take them to synagogue if my parents aren’t there.
I agree with Ms. MacNicol that these sort of relationships can be transformative. I have to present myself as the adult of the house without yelling or “being rude” as my sister says which is just saying something she doesn’t like. You want them to not explode like a time bomb while also trying to not be super bored. You can even have more fun than with your friends once in a while.
Personally, there are people in my life that I could turn to if my parents weren’t there, or if they were just away for some reason. I have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins that I consider myself to be close with and love to spend time with them. You see them lose patience after yelling at your brothers and sisters one too many times. They’ll tell you some stories from when they were your age and you marvel and think how amazing they are and wish that there was more time to spend together. I do have essential non-parental figures in my life. However, many of these people I do not meet very often. These people have given me wisdom that have not only benefited me in academics, but in real life too. They also have been there for me during tough times. Without all of this support I would not be who I am today. Also, instead of being soft, they are strict which disciplines me in various ways. This is how my non-parental figures help me. Do you have any people like this? If not, do you want them or are you fine with the present? I do have someone in my life like Ms. MacNicol. It is my Aunt. She hasn’t always been a part of my life because she used to travel a lot but now she has a house that’s close to mine. I see her a lot now so we have become closer. We talk a lot and I think she is someone I could go to if I just needed to talk about something. I sometimes go to her house after school to do my homework when my dad can’t pick me up because her house is very close to my school. I have a key to her house for when I go over and even my mom doesn’t have a key to her house and they are sisters but I do so it makes me feel special. My aunt has two kittens so I go to take care of them and play with them sometimes when she is busy. I think that having an adult that isn’t your parent in your life that helps raise you is very helpful because sometimes I don’t want to talk to my parents and I know that my aunt will always be there for me when I need her.
Many adults in my life have helped raise me and become who I am that are not my parents. The most influential person on my list is my grandmother. She tells me things about my religion that I wouldn’t have known. Another person who has helped raise me is my aunt. She always bakes delicious snacks and treats like cookies, cakes, and ice cream and has taught me to bake. Another person who has shaped my life is my uncle, who has helped shape my political views and generally has some good advice. Another person who has helped me is my other aunt, who is just really nice and always gave me candy and toys when I was younger. Overall there have been so many people who have helped me become who I am today, that I just named a few of them.
Perhaps they are the people who have babysat you, offered you guidance or attended your sports games, school plays and music recitals. Maybe they have been people you knew you could go to if you ever needed a sympathetic ear.
If not, are these relationships you wish you had in your life?
In the guest essay “I Love the Kids in My Life. And I’m Raising None of Them,” Glynnis MacNicol, who is not a parent, writes about the joys of taking part in the lives of other people’s children:
Most of the kids in my life, I have known since birth. In more than a few cases, I was present at the discovery that there was a child to be expected. Or I was the person on call to wait with a child while her sibling made an entrance. Many are children I have cared for in various stages of their life: I’ve changed countless diapers and dispensed endless bottles; I’ve given baths; I’ve been the emergency pickup contact at school. Several of these kids have vomited on me. I’m in a number of wills as the person these children will come to if, God forbid, something happens to their parents. For some, all of the above apply.
Since June, I’ve spent time variously spooning avocado into a toddler’s mouth and answering questions about what it’s like to get your period. I’ve been taught new card games. I balanced myself in the surf as a 6-year-old clung to me screaming with joy, trusting me not to let go. I attended a children’s performance of “The Little Mermaid” starring one 9-year-old who, as a 9-week-old, I held in my arms while I did an interview for my first book. Summer concluded with my driving a bunch of teens and preteens to one of their many sporting events while I cajoled them to look up from their phones once in a while and talk to me.
It has been a delight. And the experiences I’ve described are, I believe, fairly common among people who take part in the lives of children without raising their own. Yet it is simply not an experience I see reflected back to me in culture.
It’s difficult to understand why we are so parsimonious with our ideas of both a child’s capacity to love and an adult’s capacity to love children she is not parenting. Of course children benefit from being loved — the more, the better. But the reverse is also true. It is humbling to be loved by children and to be seen by them. They ground you in the day-to-day like nothing else. They don’t pull punches. They are a reminder of how quickly time passes (and, sometimes, in the case of small children, how slowly). They are not impressed with worldly accomplishments.
As they age, they see different parts of you, parts perhaps you are not so keen to see yourself — “Why do you have a hair on your chin?” “Instagram is for boomers.” And yet, what an astounding privilege it is to be present for the entirety of a person’s life thus far. To be a witness. To invest in children’s well-being in even the smallest ways. And through watching them grow, to have a better understanding of yourself and, by extension, of the world. Indeed, having children in your life outside of parenthood can sometimes feel like being a time traveler; I get to see the world through the eyes of children at so many different ages and experiences. It is a continual lesson in compassion.
My students, read the entire essay and then tell me:
Do you have people in your life like Ms. MacNicol? Are there adults who are not your parents who have helped raise you? If so, tell us about one of them. What role has this person played in your life? Do any of the descriptions or observations in the essay remind you of that relationship?
What have you learned about life or otherwise gained from the nonparental figures in your life? What do you think they have learned and gained from you?
If you don’t have relationships with adults who aren’t your parents, do you wish you did? Or do you feel that you have enough support from the people around you already?
Are you the older, nonparental figure to any children in your own life? This could be younger siblings, cousins or children that you coach or babysit. If so, what do those relationships bring to your life?
Ms. MacNicol describes these types of intergenerational relationships as “transformative.” Would you agree? Why or why not?
The essay references a recent Pew Research Center study that reported “64 percent of women under 50 who don’t have children say they ‘just don’t want to.’” Does this statistic surprise you? Do you think you will want to have children someday? Why or why not?
Here's my personal take on this question: The statistic as a whole doesn't surprise me, but the age range being up to 50 surprises me. I don’t think that I’ll want to have children at all. There was a time in my life when I wanted kids, but now that I’ve grown up more and gotten to experience life, I don’t want to put a child through that. I also feel that it’s not an opportune time to have a child and I don’t feel like that will change in the next years, but that it will only get worse. There have also been children in my life who’ve changed my mind about having kids, and having even one child would be a huge responsibility in every way, and that’s not something that I’m willing to take on. I majorly agree with the author that you don’t need to be a parent to have an important role in a child’s life. I’m more than willing to take on that role of being an important non-parental role in a child’s life. In life there will be times that some people will have a huge impact on our life and that are playing a role like a parent to us. I find this relationship intergenerational and I would agree that these are transformative. I would agree because these intergenerational relationships can really make a difference in the child or children's life since there are parents who are able to give their love for their child. And yet the child would probably find that love somewhere else and someone who’d make an impact and even act as the parental figure.
My parents are good ones. They’ve always been there for me which I know isn’t always the case for others. They’ve sacrificed a lot for me by coming from West Africa to the US. My dad had to endure going to University while working sleepless nights at the automobile factory. My mother dealt with not knowing a single word of English when she first arrived; All this so I could have a decent lifestyle and the fact that maybe the toil they endured as immigrants might one day be rewarded with my happiness. Even after their divorce, my parents are still on friendly terms because in their words, “How could we hate each other when we both created you?”. Nothing short of amazing, their support is what motivates me to succeed. But as I grew older I noticed that other adults didn’t influence me much. Usually, they were acquaintances to one or both of my parents who were always friendly but never exactly close. Camp Counselors, Coaches, and Distant family were a staple in my life but were never woven in with a stitch. In my classes, I probably haven’t been a favorite student since Mr. Rector's class in fourth grade. It seems like with every adult in my life sure they leave a mark but it’s never etched in with ink. But I believe your relationships depend on who you are as a person, we can’t all fit into the same boxes after all. I’m confident about the great relationship I’ve nurtured with my parents so I find that that mark has instead been etched in with love.
I would agree that these relationships are transformative. These relationships affect the lives of the adults more than the lives of the children because the children are already getting the love they need. But on the other hand, these adults don’t have children of their own to learn and grow from. These relationships have a transformative effect on the adults because it can help them to know what it’s like to share love and to truly want what is best for someone. It helps teach them how to unselfishly be there to support someone who truly needs it. It also helps them to learn how to talk to people who are growing, learning, and developing and to watch what they say because children truly do care about the opinions and thoughts of the people they love and care about. These relationships are truly transformative to the adults and can help to make them better, stronger, and more selfless people.
While I haven't had many important adult figures, I am an older important figure to my siblings. My 4 younger siblings and I have a 7+ year age difference, the highest being 16 years. I have always had a maternal personality, so when I had younger siblings, it felt like they were my own. Loving them and taking care of them came naturally to me. I’ve taken part in raising them, teaching them languages, helping with homework, giving advice, and have been called "mami" on several occasions. I adore my relationship with my siblings, we are always friends, but some part of it also prepares me for the day I want to have kids on my own. I feel like a young kid when I hang out with them but also like an important guide who is worthy of their love, which brings me so much joy.
I have been that older figure for my cousin who was only a few years younger than me, but I always provided for her when my aunt couldn’t. This relationship gave me a sense of patience and caring for others. It takes a lot of time and self-evaluation to take care of another person and you question if you’re doing it right. So, not only do you need patience with other people, but you also need patience with yourself. On the opposite end though, love yourself and be kind to yourself. Being human means making mistakes. Taking care of children may seem scary because you're looking to be perfect when in reality they need you to just be there and to be loved. Having grace for yourself and others is really what I learned.
My grandmother is a person in my life who is like Ms. MacNicol. When I was around 2 or 3 years old, my mom had broken up with my dad. During this time, my mom was still in college and had a job, so she wasn’t able to fully take care of me. Because of this situation, my grandmother made sacrifices so that she could take care of me. If it weren’t for her, I may not be as developed as I am today because she helped me read, do schoolwork, get ready in the morning, and prepare for bed. She managed to do all of these things and more while balancing her fulltime job. Even now that my mom is married and no longer in school, I still see my grandma as a parental figure. Some descriptions and observations in the essay that remind me of my relationship with my grandmother include her taking me to various events, feeding me meals, and picking me up from school for appointments.
There have been many different adults in my life like my mom's high school and college best friend Sage. She grew up with my mom, was my neighbor and her daughter is 1 year younger than me. With them being so close we were always invited to family gatherings, Christmas, picked me up from school when my mom couldn’t, did my hair, I slept at her house and many more things. I relate to this article because I experienced many different scenarios that were described. She has changed my diaper, been an emergency contact and even I even went to her wedding which was a big part in her life. While our parents do almost everything for their children, I believe it is essential to keep good relationships with people other than your partners. Emphasizing these relationships can help mature a person, or even have someone to reach out for in times of need. A Parent's job is to provide and raise their children to be the best version of themselves, sometimes they need help and having a person that you can turn to when your parents don’t have all the answers at the ready. Personally, my coaches are those people who I can turn to. My previous club coach helped me a lot in just knowing who I am as a player and she urges me to continue to play and instills a lot of faith in my abilities which always helped me. Another great example of these influential adults are grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. The majority of my cousins are older than me and I often find myself reaching out for advice on almost anything, especially college. Having an adult besides your parents can help create many perspectives on what you should do in life, again increasing your maturity levels.
I have multiple important people in my life that are not my parents, friends and family alike. I even like to call close friends framliy. I think it very important to have friends and family that your close with, specially if something bad were to happen to your parents. Me, personally am very close with my grandparents, especially with my Grammie- which we read almost everyday on FaceTime and usually visit once a week. I have never thought about having children and am currently undecided, but I do understand people who don’t- as children take a lot of work to raise. But I think it’s nice as special people can bring happiness into your life.
I have a lot of people that I trust, and I value their friendship and support immensely. Matin Madadkar is one of them, and we have been friends for a little over a year. He has played a significant role in my life, both in terms of basketball and personal growth. I met Matin at the gym, and he took me under his wing, ensuring that I had a good year and that nobody messed with me. His guidance and support have been invaluable to me. Another friend I trust is Max Zylicz, who moved from Poland to the US when he was 18. Despite being soft-spoken, Max and I became friends as we were both new to the school. He looked out for me, and I have fond memories of spending time with him, like the time we celebrated a big win against our rival school La Costa Canyon by playing NBA2k at his house. Dylan Kail, the varsity basketball star and team captain, has also been a great friend. As my first friend at the school, he coached me, taught me how to run plays, and included me with his senior friends, which meant a lot to me as a freshman. Last but not least, there's Trent Suzuki, a basketball coach, speed coach, and life coach. Trent has been an incredible mentor, teaching me how to be mentally tough and introducing me to the other friends I mentioned earlier. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but Trent has always been there for me and someone I can turn to for help and advice. The adults in my life aside from my parents are family, like my grandma and grandpa, or friends of my parents. In my younger years, teachers were the closest thing I had to a social circle all throughout elementary and middle school. There’s a disconnect though, because I am a child, and they are an adult. I have learned to be careful not to take myself too seriously. “That’s nice, kid,” is an all too familiar phrase. I don’t know what the world will look like by the time I’m old enough to be thinking about children. But right now, it scares and upsets me and I suspect that feeling will not go away for a while. The advice I got during as a child came from adults, adults in this case meaning parents, sometimes teachers, mostly authors. If adults talk to you, they ask about grades. They go back to their drinks, talking about politics. You talk about politics. That’s nice, they say, and go back to their drinks. Books take you seriously. There are worlds where I could be something besides a child. Even now, I scold myself in my head. I’m barely even 16, I think, why do you take yourself so seriously? Some other part of me thinks, because I am serious. I want to be understood like adults are. I am a child when it is convenient to adults and an adult when it is expected. I am aware enough to hear that child in me, begging to be listened to. The serious part of me, the part of me that keeps the shame tucked neatly inside says, “That’s nice,” and goes back to reading fiction.
I have two younger siblings in my life and maybe sometimes I think that I don’t want them to be here, but I really do love them. I get to babysit them and all of the joy that comes with having to call parents multiple times so they will hopefully stop crying. It makes you look back and think, was I like that? How could my babysitters ever live through this? But of course it isn’t all bad. The times where somehow everyone agrees on a game to play, sit down and watch a movie, or take them to synagogue if my parents aren’t there.
I agree with Ms. MacNicol that these sort of relationships can be transformative. I have to present myself as the adult of the house without yelling or “being rude” as my sister says which is just saying something she doesn’t like. You want them to not explode like a time bomb while also trying to not be super bored. You can even have more fun than with your friends once in a while.
Personally, there are people in my life that I could turn to if my parents weren’t there, or if they were just away for some reason. I have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins that I consider myself to be close with and love to spend time with them. You see them lose patience after yelling at your brothers and sisters one too many times. They’ll tell you some stories from when they were your age and you marvel and think how amazing they are and wish that there was more time to spend together. I do have essential non-parental figures in my life. However, many of these people I do not meet very often. These people have given me wisdom that have not only benefited me in academics, but in real life too. They also have been there for me during tough times. Without all of this support I would not be who I am today. Also, instead of being soft, they are strict which disciplines me in various ways. This is how my non-parental figures help me. Do you have any people like this? If not, do you want them or are you fine with the present? I do have someone in my life like Ms. MacNicol. It is my Aunt. She hasn’t always been a part of my life because she used to travel a lot but now she has a house that’s close to mine. I see her a lot now so we have become closer. We talk a lot and I think she is someone I could go to if I just needed to talk about something. I sometimes go to her house after school to do my homework when my dad can’t pick me up because her house is very close to my school. I have a key to her house for when I go over and even my mom doesn’t have a key to her house and they are sisters but I do so it makes me feel special. My aunt has two kittens so I go to take care of them and play with them sometimes when she is busy. I think that having an adult that isn’t your parent in your life that helps raise you is very helpful because sometimes I don’t want to talk to my parents and I know that my aunt will always be there for me when I need her.
Many adults in my life have helped raise me and become who I am that are not my parents. The most influential person on my list is my grandmother. She tells me things about my religion that I wouldn’t have known. Another person who has helped raise me is my aunt. She always bakes delicious snacks and treats like cookies, cakes, and ice cream and has taught me to bake. Another person who has shaped my life is my uncle, who has helped shape my political views and generally has some good advice. Another person who has helped me is my other aunt, who is just really nice and always gave me candy and toys when I was younger. Overall there have been so many people who have helped me become who I am today, that I just named a few of them.
